i am such a loser. i am so in love with him. i don't know what to do. i can't handle it. i can't handle loving him so much when he doesn't even want to be my friend. he doesn't even care about me. i want him to hold me. i want him to be there for me. but it'll never happen. for some reason, i wasn't good enough for him. i guess that makes sense. he's this wonderful, caring, smart guy and i'm this depressing, empty shell of a person. i can't even talk about him on here anymore. i'm sure everyone is thinking, why can't she just get OVER him? but they don't understand! they don't understand how for that month or two, he made me feel like i was the best person in the world. he told me i was beautiful. for those two months someone LOVED me. not because they had to, but because they wanted to... but he doesn't want to anymore. so i'm back to the people who have to love me because they're related (or practically related) to me. my family and cassie. that's all i have. and they don't look at me as me, they look at me as the person i should be or the person i once was... i really would have given him all my thoughts, my heart, my respect. but it wasn't good enough for him. and he stopped loving me... but i just love him more and more... what am i going to do??? everything and everyone is turning against me. if i knew that jeremy would take me back if i went and got down on my knees and begged him to, i would do it. that's how pathetic i am. that's how desperate i am to be loved... it's like he threw a starving dog a bone, and then snatched it away from him... jeremy is so amazing... but he doesn't want me, so i must not be amazing... i once thought i was... once i thought that i was a wonderful person. now i realize i was simply delusional. if you do exactly what everyone tells you to do, then they will tell you whatever you want to hear. but you stray, and you're an awful, despicable creature. i love him... and he doesn't love me back... why can't he love me back??? i emailed him. a nice, super friendly email. i asked him questions about himself, told him one or two things about me. and said i hoped he didn't find my emailing him annoying... he hasn't emailed back... who knows if he ever will... why do i have to love him so much???