Dear Diary, I'm sick and i'm crying and i'm wishing and i'm laughing and i'm sleepy and i'm sad and i'm hoping and i'm wanting everything to be okay. Recently I've felt that... awkwardness on here. Like you don't know how much you can say because you're not sure how others will take it or who it will get to. But you know what, I'm going to try really hard not to care. After all, this is my diary. And people can think what they want. It's not my problem. So apparently Jeremy broke up with Barbara. How come no one tells me these things? Anyway. Not sure how I feel about that. I wonder how she feels? I think I might like to talk to her... But maybe that'd be weird? I don't know. But who else understands how she's feeling better than I do? Ex-girlfriends unite or whatev. Cassie and I had an... issue... tonight over him. I told her that I was happy because he was coming to the show on Monday, and she got the "I think that's a horrible idea and I want to kick him" look on her face. So I slapped her. But I honestly didn't mean to! I just mean to hit her lightly on the back. It didn't quite work out like that. Anyway. I was still really mad at her though. So then I started crying. And so we talked about how awful it made me feel. I told her that I just want to be his friend, and that I know this probably isn't the best way to get over him, but I can't lose his friendship. I told her that I didn't even WANT him back, though I love him. I could never trust him with my heart again. And most of all, I told her I just want her to listen to me, let me talk about him whenever I want to. So hopefully things will go better. I've been feeling kinda insecure lately. Like I'm rating high on the pathetic/ugly/loser scale. Grr. I'm getting back on my meds asap. Anyway. I still really, really, really want to go to Senior Prom. I was thinking about Bill, but maybe that Jonathan guy... mmm. We actually TALKED for like, five minutes the other day! He's so cute. Guys are so cute. Yum. I should get some sleep now. It's been a long day. I had a stressful performance, AND I'm very sick, AND I started my period, AND I had boy/best friend trauma! Yes. I must get some rest. Love, Lisa Ann