Dear Diary, I've had an awful day. I feel like I'm dead inside. I went to drama and just sat there, not smiling, not talking. It was very painful, so I decided to sluff seminary and go home early. I'm glad I did. There was no way I would've felt better sitting next to Malcolm after all that happened yesterday. I didn't need any more blows to my shattered self-esteem. Cassie, surprisingly enough, has been a real sweetheart. I feel bad for putting her through this; I know she's really worried about me. But she let me talk about what happened. She didn't even mind when I yelled at her to stop insulting Jeremy. She just said sorry. Before I went home she gave me a huge, long hug. You know what though? I haven't even cried. I want to cry so, so badly, and I keep expecting to break into tears at any second, but I just can't cry. I've come close. Last night when I saw the picture of me and Jeremy and homecoming. During drama when I was telling Cassie what had happened. Then when Cassie gave me a hug. And I almost did walking out to the parking lot to go home. But I haven't really cried. I'm too dead inside. I don't know what I'm going to do. For the time being, I've decided to stop talking to Jeremy. I'm not mad at him. I just don't want to talk to him. I don't want to be his friend. I know, that's horrible. But I figure all these months I've tried to get over him by being his friend, and that hasn't worked, so now I'll try ignoring him. Unfortunately, this also means I can't talk to his friends. Bill and Jeddi especially. So now I'm down by three friends. Mariah, thanks so much for caring this morning. I know I was being a bum, but thanks for being nice to me. I needed some niceness. Alright. I've got to go get showered and put on cute clothes and a fake smile and go to Young Women's. I'd rather die, but I'd have to die for my mom to let me out of going. Love, Lisa Ann