Dear Diary, Here is what Merilyn and I decided: The GRADES ARE NOT IMPORTANT. LEARNING AND GROWING ARE THE IMPORTANT THINGS. If I had known that in, say, sixth grade, I would be a lot less messed up than I am now... Or even kindergarten, really. It's funny how you can go your whole life and find you know nothing about yourself. I've always joked that I'm a perfectionist, but now I realize I am a PERFECTIONIST. And it's not so funny anymore. Oh my gosh. I just spent two minutes revising those sentances so they were perfect. And thirty seconds making sure I spelled "sentance" right. I am SO messed up. Sigh. The thing about being a perfectionist is that although sometimes it brings satisfaction and accomplishment, other times, it doesn't. It's just stressful and hard and for what? A perfect lameness. Cassie still hasn't called... Cassie who? Anyway, she did invite me to her YW's tomorrow. I wonder if she'll call... Or just expect me to show up... We'll find out. It's been just over seven months. WHY am I not over that boy? WHY can't I just blow it off? I wish he were rude. If I could hate him, it'd be SO much easier... I so need to talk to Cassie about that. She's good at hating Jeremy for me. I'm making Cassie go out for ice cream with me. I don't care if it's expensive or fattening. We're going. End of story. I really want socialization. "it get's so lonely now, on my own..." Fifty points for anyone who can name that song and artist. Hint: American Idol winner Now I'm going to focus on some positive things, because I'm so good at being negative. 1. I spent a lot of time with my nieces today. They're such cuties, even if they can be a pain when they don't listen. Oh wait. Postive. I meant, they CAN BE such cuties. 2. I talked to my sister today for awhile. That was fun. 2a. She comes home for a visit in seventeen days! 3. Merilyn and I had a good talk. A good "it's not your fault, Lisa!" talk. I like those. 4. I drove around and did lots of errands today. Don't ask me why that's fun. It just is. 5. I went to the library, too, and got books. I already have like four to read at home, but I got more. I just finished one, and it was GOOD. I swear, good books are better than chocolate, ice cream, and chick flicks all together. 6. I had yummy pizza. Best pizza ever, actually. Apparently it's from my brother's friend's girlfriend's parent's pizza place. Huh. Who knew? They can make freaking awesome pizza. 7. I am alive. I have survived another day. 8. Oh! My anxiety is in to the mild range! HOORAY! Now that I'm at eight, I might as well make it an even 10. NO! Wait! That would be perfect. I won't do it! 9. I am resisting the impulse to do a number 10. Alright, I've done negative and positive and bared my soul once more. I think it's time to wrap this up. And try not to think about that pizza... yum... Love, Lisa Ann