Dear Diary, Ugh. I'm feeling terrible right now. Absolutely miserable. I haven't felt like this in awhile. Sigh. I don't know what's up. I'm just so depressed tonight. This afternoon I was feeling okay, I guess. My meds were making me jittery and stuff, though. Maybe that rubbed off on me, so it made me more likely to have a bad night. And I DID have a horrible night. Sigh. First I suddenly got invited to a party at Teri Ann's. Good news, right? Well, yes, but I had been planning on going shopping with Cassie after she got off work. I had some other things to do before that, too. So then I was stressed for time, which I don't like. Then I drove all the way down town to Cassie's work to tell her about the party. I figured we could go for a bit and then go shopping. But she informed me that she was going to go clean an office instead to get some more money. So she ditched me. I was kinda upset about that. I keep trying to get together with her, but she's always too busy or forgets to call me or something. Being bummed about that, I didn't really feel like going to a party. But I did anyway, and began to sort of enjoy myself. Not a whole lot, but a little bit. (side note: it amazes me how UNINTERESTED some girls are in boys. like the girls at the party. it's kinda strange and quite unfun.) Anyway. But then Cassie got done making money and came to the party. Sigh. She's WAY different around other people than when it's just me and her. She's LOUD, and obnoxious, and random in a not-good way. I just want to tell her to CHILL IT. I can't of course, and she doesn't pick up on hints like, "Okay, Cassie, why don't we be quieter now?" Yeah. She's pretty obtuse. It bugs me (and others, too, I think) how she ALWAYS has to be the center of attention. That's not what life is about. And she totally does not get that at all. "Why'd you have to go make things so complicated? I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated. And life's like this: you fall, and you crawl, and you break, and you take what you get and turn it into--honestly, you promised me i'm never gonna find you fakin'... no, no no!" Anyway. Enough about the jerk. Tomorrow I'm going down to SLC with my YW's group. Sigh. I'm not sure how that's gonna go. I'm taking a good book, though, so if no one wants to talk to me I can just read. My sister comes home in thirteen days. Dang. I forgot to get my skirt from Teri Ann. Maybe I'll pick it up tomorrow, and wear it to SLC. Dang. That means I have to shave my legs. And do my hair. Dang. I hate trying to be cute two days in a row. Wait, three, 'cause I'll have to look cute on Sunday, too. DANG. That's way too much effort for me. I'm very depressed. I should probably go to bed. But I don't want to. I could go read my book, but then if I don't stop reading it, I'll be tired tomorrow and I won't have anything to read. I'm really lonely. And did I mention depressed? And my meds are bugging me. And I'm bored. Sigh. Did you notice I'm not looking for the positive tonight? Nope. This is a purely negative entry. Get over it. Love, Lisa Ann