Dear Diary, Mmm. So I'm supposed to start writing in my diary a bit more to document my moods... Hmm. I should back up a bit, I think. It's been quite a few months, hasn't it? To start off with the most important item: I am still totally and completely in love with David! David Cooper Stillman and I have been together nearly five months, and only in my dreams did I imagine I could love someone like this. He is my life. My heart aches nearly constantly when I am away from him. I miss him! ... And the reason I miss him is because... I am at college. Yes, I have moved to Snow College in Ephraim, Utah. Not long after I moved here I wondered if I was idiotic. I HATE small towns, and this town... wow... Not only is it extremely small, but the closest town that is of a decent size is roughly an hour away. Torture! Anyway. I am living in Oak Tree Apartments with Chelsey Poole, Noel Wyler, and three other roommates (Sharon and Becky {the twins} and Sheena). It's interesting. We've made a few friends, and Noel is even dating off and on the guy from upstairs. Anyway. I love living away from home, and I love living with people my own age. But really, that's about the only thing I love here. School is alright, but it's frustrating because I'm experiencing a severe lack of motivation. My biggest problem is I really can't think of anything that I would enjoy doing with my life, so school seems pointless and hopeless. I also can't seem to find the motivation to get a job, which is very bad because I'm out of money from my student loan and my mom is getting very tired of loaning me money. In short, I am not having such a great time in life right now. I can think of many days spent sitting on our apartment couch, feeling so hopeless about my life, not wanting to do anything and yet hating that I'm not doing anything. I've been so frustrated with this town and worried about money and despairing about my future and sometimes just crying at night because I miss David so much... I don't know. So I went home for fall break and spent a lot of time with my mom. Suddenly she could see first hand how depressed I really was. We went to see my ADD doctor, and today he gave me a prescription for an anti-depressant as well. We figure it can't hurt much, and maybe it'll help bring me some motivation and happiness in my life. Happiness. I'm so odd. If I had to name one essential key to happiness in my life right now, it would be David. I love David so much. I just keep dreaming that someday we can be married... Yes, I want to marry David. It's a long way in the future, but he is just so right for me... Not that we don't have our problems. We've had periods of fighting or jealousy or doubt and it's always so hard to live 100 miles away from each other. But somehow, we always work things out. We are always there for each other. Somehow, no matter what happpens, David and I can find a way to be happy together. Even when we're apart. Although if I had my choice, I definitely would rather be happy together. I can't even describe the complete joy and rightness I feel when I am near him. I love that boy... He really makes me happy. But if I'm thinking about my life or school or a job or my future (unless it's a future with David) or basically my current status as student at Snow College in BoringTown, I'm pretty unhappy... Ugh.... So... We'll see what happens I guess... There's always the possibility of leaving Ephraim and going somewhere else if things don't get better. Right now, I just have to wait and see... Love, Lisa Ann