Dear Diary, My head hurts. So does my heart. I messed up again. With Jeremy. Sigh. I don't MEAN to hurt him. I didn't mean to make him feel bad. How can he be to blame for my stupid feelings? He can't and I know that. And still I go and mess things up. Why does he even bother with me? Stupid, stupid me. Everything is... falling apart. Out of control. I don't know what to do. Right now I'm distracted, but once summer comes I'll see how truly empty my life is. I'll be back to how I was earlier this year. No contact with the outside world. Holed up in my house. Alone. I know I'm supposed to, reach out, or whatever to people. But it's scary. I feel so powerless. Today was crappy. I... It just was. It's really windy outside. Maybe I'll go stand outside in the wind. Tomorrow, unless I chicken out, I'm going to wear my huge random sweatshirt that appeared in my closet. Apparently my mom got from D.I. for some odd reason. We don't know how it ended up in my closet. But I like it. It's big. I thought my life would be great now, but surprise! It's not. I think because I was gone so long... I don't have any connections at school. No one needs me. I am... unimportant. A girl who randomly shows up and expects people to love her. I so don't want to go to school tomorrow. I am fading away into nothingness. I used to exist. But I won't for long. Say goodbye Before you can't see me anymore. Whatever. I'm dumb. I hate myself. I'll shut up now. Love, Lisa Ann