Dear Diary, I've decided. I'm going shopping with Jeddi and Kyanne tomorrow. It's going to be weird, but... At least I was invited, you know? I shouldn't just sit here and whine about how I don't have any friends if I turn down offers of friendship. Twelve times a day (well, maybe not that much) I think to myself, "oh, that's so cool! I'm gonna call Cassie and--Wait. Never mind. NOT calling Cassie." I've been in the habit of calling her when I feel like telling someone something. But I can't anymore. Why? I don't know. She'd be happy to get my call, I'm sure. It's out of principle, I guess. She doesn't call me, why should I call her? She doesn't care about me, why waste time caring about her? Maybe I'm just punishing myself. After all, SHE'S not the one who understands that a six-year friendship is in the trash. Even though she helped put it there. Sigh. She's just so... Unemotional. No, no, UNINVOLVED. She doesn't INVOLVE her EMOTIONS with people. If it's more effort that "let's go have crazy fun fun fun!" she can't take it. It's not worth it. She doesn't seem to understand that LIFE goes deeper than that. PEOPLE are deeper than that. Relationships DO take work and they aren't always fun. Bottom line: Cassie bailed because times were tough for me. Things are going a little better now, but that does NOT mean I should go running to her. Right? RIGHT? Please tell me that I'm right! On a slightly different note. I went to Young Women's tonight. Like Mariah, it'd been awhile. Did anyone notice? No. Did anyone say hi to me? No. I was a total freaking outcast. Again. Why do I keep enduring this? I keep thinking that maybe THIS time someone will be nice to me; maybe THIS time someone will try to be my friend. Ah, I'm such an idiot. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for different results." Anyway. Christmas is coming. I got stuff to make bracelets for my nieces (but I haven't made them yet). Other than that--no presents for anyway. I should *probably* get one for my sister and *maybe* my parents, since those are the only people who are getting me presents (because they're the only ones with money). I want a boyfriend. Is that evil? I do. Sigh. Guys can be so... CARING when they want to be. And then there's that whole snuggly thing... mmm. Guys can be VERY snuggly... Anyway. Why wish for things you can't have, eh? My Dream Wish List 1. A best friend 2. An understanding family 3. A boyfriend My Reality Wish List: 1. 2. 3. Love, Lisa Ann P.S. Taren? Would you mind telling Camille that she has THE FREAKING BEST WARD EVER and if she (or anyone) ever moves out of that ward I'll have to kill them? (And then of course I'll buy their house.) Thank you!