Dear Diary, Oh. My. Heck. Life is SO stressful. I'm going insane. I can't all this pressure and pain and guilt and lonliness. I can't do it. My nieces have really been acting up lately. And since I babysit them like, 70% of the time, it's really been stressing me out. All they do is scream and cry and destroy stuff, and I feel like I should be able to do something about it. But I CAN'T. I'm sixteen years old!!! And I mother them practically as much as Anna does!!! And people don't seem to get how that's a problem. So I'm trying to fix Anna and Ashlyn and Kylee's lives. And while I'm at it, I should be fixing my mom's life, too--why don't I spend all my "spare" time working at the house so she doesn't have to? Let's just make everything LISA'S responsibility and LISA'S fault, too. Cassie and I hung out today. She was a jerk the whole time. Everything was SUCH a problem. I had to put my laundry in before I left (so I could finish moving), and she just rolled her eyes and told me to do it later. Then I was SO excited because I had found a super cute desk at D.I. But she was just bored 'cause she had to wait for me to have my parents come pick it up. It's like everything I did was so DUMB and ANNOYING. Then when she left, my sister chewed me out because I told Cassie that I thought the jacket she had bought at D.I. was ugly (which it TOTALLY was). Grrr. After our last fight things were suppposed to get better between Cassie and I. She was going to start actually CARING about me. But guess what? She doesn't. I'm like some old purse that's useful sometimes, but mostly it's just old and a burden. I'm Cassie's burden that she's too lazy to get rid of. I've been thinking a lot lately, and I've decided that maybe it's not so much JEREMY that I miss, but the whole GUY RELATIONSHIP. Like, how nice would it be to have some guy who would always be there for you, who would hold you in his arms to protect you, who would love you SO much??? Wouldn't that be great? But it's not likely to happen. Correct that: I KNOW it won't happen. At least not for me, not in the next year or so. I'm really angry right now. My mom's been stressing out big time (again) over the house, and tonight she decided she'd take it out on me. We were driving around I she would freak out because I was driving to close to the side of the road or I had ALMOST hit the curb. Like these TINY things that didn't really matter anyway, she'd get all upset over. I'm also angry how nobody cares. Mom is worried about Mom, Anna worries about Anna, Sarah worries about Sarah, and so forth and so on. The only person who worries more about someone else is Dad, and he worries about Mom. Nobody is there to care for me. I'm The Babysitter or The Errand-Runner. As long as THEIR needs are met, they couldn't give a darn about me. So I sit here, lonely, depressed, bored, angry, overwhelmed, and exhausted with life. And surprise! NOBODY FREAKING CARES!!!! Oh well. It doesn't matter. I hate them. I hate everyone. ...But most of all, I hate how unimportant I am... Ha! You know what I just realized? Cassie went home a few hours ago, and I just remembered that she's probably at the drama party! She asked me this morning if I wanted to go, but I guess by the time evening hit, she was too sick of me to invite me again. ...It's not that I wanted to go--I didn't want to face the judgmental questions of all those self-absorbed Drama People--but it's the fact that SHE didn't want me to go. Or didn't invite me. Or whatever Speaking of doing things tonight, I have absolutely NOTHING to do. And that's not even an exaggeration. Right now I'm at my dad's work (by myself), but my dad'll come pick me up soon, and then we'll go back to the apartment. The apartment--which has no TV, no movies, no internet or computer at all, no friends, no way to get anywhere (if only I had my stupid license! grr), nothing to read, and no food. There isn't even furniture!!! I DO have two grumpy parents, a little bit of ice cream, a mattress, and a Counting Crows CD. I don't think the most creative person in the world could come up with something terribly entertaining out of that. Anyway. Sigh. Here's to no friends, nothing to do, and stupid human feelings! My mom's coming to pick me up now. Maybe I can talk her into buy lots of junk food at Lee's. Hmmm... Love, Lisa Ann p.s. ATTENTION ALL GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!! If you know of a caring, nice, cute guy in need of a caring, semi-nice, semi-cute girl to love, send him my way!!! It'd be GREATLY appreciated. Thank you!