Dear Diary, Mmm. I've decided (for the millionth time) that I need to write in here more. I love writing. Whatever kind. Even boring, regular stuff like the intracasies of my life. (Random note. Tonight I feel like using big words, but I'm also blanking on how to spell them... Strange.) Writing is just such a wonderful release... If I die and I haven't published a novel or five, I'll kill myself. lol. So. Now I need to think of things to write in this blog, don't I? Let's see. I saw Merilyn today. It's supposed to make me feel better, but it left me depressed. We both thought that was ironic. But she kept telling me how I needed to make something of my life, to achieve and learn and grow. And how if I want to do those things, I'm going to stress, and I'm going to be uncomfortable, and that's how life is. I hate life. I've decided that I don't like Bill. Or at least I don't think I do. I'm not sure. But we talked about his girlfriend today. He's crazy in love with her; has been since they were kids. Who am I to get in the way of that, just because I don't like it when he calls me sis? No one. So I'm not going to get my hopes up. I'm not going to get fluttery-excited when we talk about hanging out sometimes. I'm just not. I thought about Jeremy today. Well, I think about him a lot. But I really thought about him today. I thought about the day he broke up with me. How that was the day I expected to get my first boyfriend officially. And how that was the day I got dumped for the first time officially. Isn't life ironic? I think so. "It's like rain on your wedding day. It's a free ride, when you've already paid. It's the good advice that you just didn't take. And who would've thought? It figures. Isn't it ironic?" --Ironic, Alanis Morisette Today was also a day of near-disasters. My brother got a phone call saying his ex-girlfriend was probably going to die. Fortunately, we learned that the car accident was greatly exaggerated, and she'll be just fine. My mom was watching the news and saw that over a hundred tornadoes were in Missouri, right in the area my other brother, who's a missionary, is in. He was at a zone conferance miles away though, and is fine. Hopefully we'll hear from him soon to see how the town faired. Probably not too bad. I've decided a few things I want to begin/learn. They are: jogging or dancing, pottery or photography, Italian or French, and maybe a creative writing class. These will be my ways to "expand my horizons" and "give me confidence and knowledge" in a enjoyable, not-so-stressful way. I'm not sure how I'll do these, though. Maybe take a class at Bridge or on campus. Maybe just find a friend who enjoys/wants to learn that hobby. The thing I love most about blogging is that what I say doesn't have to make sense. It doesn't have to be in any sort of order. It doesn't have to be important or interesting or anything. But it's me, it's there, and it feels good. My blog will always listen to me. :) It's funny (in an ironic way, of course) to watch me go through blogging all these guys. Jeremy, Garrick, Jeremy, that one icky boy, Jeremy, Bill, Jeremy, and maybe a few others along the way. I often wonder why I'm so... focused... on boys. I've never come up with an answer. I like to tell myself that's it's simply because I'm a sixteen-year-old girl living in 2006. Sweet sixteen and never been kissed. Sigh. Boys are dumb. I love them. My TV is doing random and slightly scary things. Stupid dish. I think this is my... 82nd or 83rd entry. That's pretty cool. Over 80 entries in six months-ish. That's an average of three entries a week, if my rusty math comes even close. Interesting. I'm extremely tired. HOLY COW IT'S 3 A.M.!!! No wonder I'm tired! If my mom wakes up I'm dead. Perhaps I should go to bed now, eh? Although I'm not sure why it matters... For some reason it does. and isn't it ironic? don't you think? a little too ironic... and yeah I really do think. Love, Lisa Ann