NaNoWriMo is over, and I won again this year.  The resulting partial manuscript is...underwhelming, to say the least.  But I think there are some bits that I would be able to expand upon and use in the event of me actually sitting down and editing the thing into a piece of work.  I just wanted to win something.

I was going to use this entry to talk about Penelope and how she's growing, but I'll do that next time.  Right now, I just want to mention that it's snowing outside.  A very very wet and sloshy snow, so it's not really snow at all, but Patrick's convinced that later today we'll be able to go outside and build a seven foot snowman and have a snowball fight.  Oh, the beauty of an optimistic child.

Meanwhile, the hotel is in the process of being sold to UHV so that they can turn it into a dormitory for their newly-expanded four year program.  I saw the article in the paper yesterday, and I was depressed all day long.  When I went in, no one really knew what was going to happen to all of us because firstly, they haven't been approved by the state to buy the property, and secondly, no one from the school has talked to us yet.  So that sucks.

But right now, it's sort of snowing and I'm leaving to watch the 2010 Wold Cup draw.  Go USA!  Don't get drawn into a group of death again!

I'm very nearly 13,000 words into my novel for NaNoWriMo, and I'll continue my practice of putting up a bit here. The below is quite a long excerpt from my novel. It's not very well-written, but it was fun for me to write.

Slight preface: the first football game of the school year had just ended.

Shin sat above them all, watching the happy crowds flow out of the stadium. It was only half past ten, still early in the night, and even though he didn’t want to admit it, all of the excitement of the day had worn him out. When it was quite empty, Shin began to make his way to the band hall to meet with Kyle.

‘Dude!’ said Kyle as he emerged from the band hall in his street clothes, sweaty and smiling. ‘I didn’t really expect you to come!’

Shin was about to tell him that, despite his tepid attitude, he had a good time at the game, but Kyle immediately continued, ‘Come on, man, we’re all going to Whataburger to get some food, and I decided that you, as my patron, will be driving me tonight. What did you think about the show tonight? I don’t know how it looked from the stands, but from where I was the marching sucked. We sounded awesome, though, so I guess that’s not so bad for our first performance. I don’t know what happened in my section, though. I hate to say it, but I think Trent screwed it up for all of us when we were going from that huge arc in the front to that diagonal. However much I love that little kid, he was not at all confident in his marching. And I guess I can understand that because, you know, I was a freshman once and I don’t really remember a lot about the first show I marched. I do remember, though, that I ran across the field at totally the wrong time, and I got chewed out by both John and Nana, and, oh my God, I’m so glad that didn’t happen at the same time. Neither one of them will let me live that down, by the way. Before we marched out around the track before the game, John came up to me and told me to keep my calm, that he didn’t want to see me spazz out like I did then. I wanted to punch him so badly, but I didn’t want to get suspended for kicking my teacher’s ass, and I knew he was just messing with me. And then when we were eating dinner, Nana was telling my brothers that same damn story, glaring at me the whole time, like I did that just to embarrass her.’

While suffering through this monologue, Shin guided Kyle across the practice field and towards his lonely car in the stadium parking lot. Still talking about the quality of their marching, Kyle took the passenger seat and, throwing his trumpet case in the back seat, made himself comfortable. As Shin pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards the heaven that was Whataburger, one of the only blessings of this new town, Kyle said, in quite a different tone of voice than what he had ever heard from him, ‘So, dude, tell me if this is insensitive or whatever, but I noticed that you don’t ever talk about your parents. Are they…eh…departed, or…’ And he looked at Shin quite seriously.

‘What, you’re asking if they’re dead?’ Shin said in feign shock and disbelief.

‘I’m so sorry, Shin,’ Kyle began rapidly before Shin held up a hand to stop him, cracking a smile.

‘No, no,’ he said as he chuckled, ‘nothing like that. They’re not dead, they’re just travelling.’

Kyle looked relieved. ‘Damn, that was mean!’ he shouted, punching Shin on the shoulder. ‘Here I was thinking you were going to drive me off into a corn field and leave me there for asking about your dead parents.’

They drove on for a while in silence. Shin, being very unwilling to volunteer information about himself, decided he would wait to see if Kyle would inquire further, and, it so happened, inquire he did.

‘You said they were travelling?’ he asked presently. ‘Are they on like a second honeymoon or something? Like, a crossing things off their bucket list kind of trip?’

Shin looked thoughtful for a moment and replied, ‘I guess you could say that.’

‘Dude, that is so sweet. If I had money like y’all had money, I’d be taking trips every six months from now until I died.’

‘I take it that you think my family’s rich,’ Shin said.

Kyle stared at him dramatically, with his eyes and mouth wide open, for a full five seconds before he said, emphasizing every syllable, ‘Ni-ne thou-sa-n-d. And one of those checks was in the name of Charlotte Green who, I know for a fact, is your sister.’

Shin thought for a moment, and decided that he would go out on a limb and trust Kyle Reina.

‘Kyle,’ he said seriously, which got Kyle’s attention. ‘I’ve never told anyone here this, and I don’t want you telling anyone else, either. So you’ve got to promise me to keep your mouth shut about it. Got it?’

Looking very solemn, Kyle stuck out one of his pinkie fingers towards Shin and said, ‘Dude, I will pinkie swear that I will never, ever tell anyone what you’re about to tell me. Not even Nana.’

‘Don’t give me that,’ Shin said, slapping Kyle’s hand away from him, ‘I’m not going to pinky swear.’ But Kyle was persistent, and somehow, Shin found his pinky locked in Kyle’s, and he repeated his oath, that not even Nana would he tell.

‘Fine, fine,’ Shin said, shaking Kyle’s finger from his, ‘geez.’ He took a deep breath and began, ‘Last December, around Christmas time, my dad won the lottery where we used to live.’ He expected Kyle to interrupt with some interjection, but he just sat there, waiting for Shin to continue. ‘He won three hundred million—‘

‘Holy crap!’ Kyle screeched, which surprised Shin so much that he swerved into the shoulder of the road. ‘Sorry, man, I just wasn’t expecting that,’ he said as Shin returned to the lane, both hands on the wheel.

‘After taxes and whatever,’ he continued, ‘I think they got something like a hundred and fifty million. It was a record pot. So, after the holidays, my parents packed their bags and left for South America, and I haven’t heard from them since then.’

‘What?’ Kyle said sharply. ‘They just left you and Sean by yourselves?’

‘We were with Charlotte, but she was teaching and planning her wedding, so it pretty much just the two of us. Thank goodness for Charlotte, though, because if it weren’t for her, I think my parents would have forgotten completely about the two of us. She was the one who made them set up college accounts and living accounts for us so that at least we’d have something before they spent it all living in the Amazon and drinking wine in France. She didn’t want anything for herself, she was thinking of us. When Robert got his new job down here, Charlotte didn’t want to leave us not knowing when our parents would be back, so she had us move with them.’

There was a long silence where the only sound was the lonely humming of the tires on the asphalt. Shin took a few sidelong glances at Kyle to find him looking very contemplative. Finally, Kyle said—

‘So I guess that’s why you’re so distant with people.’

‘I figured you would understand,’ said Shin.

‘You don’t want to get close to people because your parents, two of the closest people to you, left you alone without a thought for you. A lot of your friends probably treated you differently, too, after they heard about the money, right?’

Shin nodded. ‘At first, they were careful about it, but by the end of the semester, random people would ask me for money because so-and-so told them I’d give it to them. One of my friends turned out to be a big druggie and wanted me to start dealing with him. But everyone changed towards me and even Sean once they knew.’

‘You’re afraid that we’ll do that, too?’

‘I guess so.’

Suddenly, Shin felt a sharp pain on the side of his head where Kyle had, apparently, boxed his ear. ‘Kyle, what the hell?” Shin shouted. ‘I’m driving!’

‘So all your friends turned out to be money-grubbing bastards, and now you think we’ll be that way, too?!’ Kyle yelled back, seriously angry. ‘You want all that money back? I’ll go to the bank tomorrow and get it out and bring it to your sister, first thing in the morning! Nana’s going to kill me, but I’ll do it if it’ll make you stop acting like an idiot!’

‘Kyle, I don’t—‘

‘Yeah, you’ll be at the cemetery and you’ll be thinking, “Man, I really wish I wouldn’t have acted like such a dumbass idiot and made Kyle give back that totally sweet nine thou. Then Nana wouldn’t have had to kill him and get thrown into the old granny jail, and then his two little brothers wouldn’t be here crying their little eyes out because they miss their brother and their nana who’s in the clinker because she killed Kyle, and they don’t have anywhere to go except into foster care, where they’ll get split up and will probably never be adopted, all because I didn’t trust Kyle and made him give back that money.” That’s what you’ll be thinking, you idiot, standing in the rain at my funeral!’

‘Why in the rain?’

‘And everyone else, too, man, everyone who’s nice to you and try to talk to you in class, like Hannah and Gracia, and all the little freshman who look up to you because you kicked that dick Dustin Knight’s ass, they’re all gonna be standing in the rain at my funeral, all like, “Dude, I can’t believe Shin Lorensen was that cold-hearted to Kyle to make him give back that nine thou, and that’s why Kyle’s nana killed him, did you know that? And he won’t be friends with any of us because he’s too afraid that all the money his parents won is going to change what we think about him. And he seemed like a really nice guy that made some really tasty eggs and scone-things and let Kyle eat them one morning—oh, the morning his sister gave him that also tasty nine thou!”

‘Kyle, that’s enough!’ Shin bellowed before he could go on. ‘That’s enough about the money Charlotte gave you! I don’t want it back, I don’t even want to talk about money anymore, so shut up!’

‘You really mean that?’

‘What?’ Shin asked, completely exasperated.

‘You don’t want to talk about money anymore?’

‘Yes, Kyle, please don’t ever mention that money, any money, around me ever again!’

‘All right!’ Kyle shouted, clapping his hands together, smiling widely. ‘It’s a done deal! We’ll never talk about money again, so just don’t worry about it, all right?’

By this time, they had arrived at Whataburger and were idling in the parking lot. Shin stared at Kyle dumbly.

Kyle looked at Shin sidelong and said, ‘It’s a new start, right? That’s probably why Charlotte wanted y’all to come with her. If you don’t go into it, people won’t really care why you live in that huge house with your sister and her husband. I mean, hell, man, I live with my nana and my parents are farther out of the picture that yours are, but nobody cares. Just give us all a chance, all right?’ With that, he got out of the car.

Shin did the same and started walking towards the doors to the restaurant. ‘I guess we’re really friends now, right?’ Kyle said to him quietly.

‘I guess so,’ he answered. He stopped at the doors and said, ‘Why would it be raining at your funeral?’

Kyle said, slapping Shin on the back, ‘Because that’s what happens at funerals. It’s either raining from the sky or raining from your eyes.’

‘That’s the corniest thing I’ve ever heard,’ Shin said.

Suddenly, the doors opened and a tall boy staggered out right on top of them, shouting back inside, ‘I am the goddamn king! Whoo-hoooooo!!’

While I was in the hospital after Penelope was born, I was so happy. I had a wonderful husband, a sweet little boy, and a brand new pink baby. My beautiful family was growing, and my hours passed in relative peace.

When I got home, something changed. It was the first day we were home together, and JD had gone off to work. Penelope was asleep in her bassinet in the living room, and Patrick climbed on my lap to snuggle with me. I noticed then how incredibly heavy he was, how ridiculously large his hands were, how hot his face and hair were, and I hated it. It was then that I began to resent this sweet little boy. On that day, and for many months afterwards, I irrationally held it against Patrick for growing up, for interrupting my time with tiny, new Penelope, as if it were his fault for needing my attention.

However ashamed I am to admit it, those were my feelings. I knew that it was stupid to feel that way, and it was because I knew this that I felt even more resentment towards him, as if he were rubbing it in my face that I felt that way in the first place.

This lasted some months, and finally it has lessened itself. However, I believe those months of resentment has damaged Patrick a bit. I'm sure he picked up on my feeling and probably began to feel the same way. There have been many yelling fits between us both, and many many times where he's told me that he hates me. It's very rare that he listens to me when I ask him for help or when I discipline him. I know that I've probably doomed myself to this, so I try to be patient with him and give him the attention I know he wants. We have our good days and our bad days, and some weeks the bad outnumber the good. Others, though, are the opposite, for which I am thankful.

I've always been a bit of a romantic, but I've tried to temper it with reality. When I imagined having two children, I thought Patrick would be helpful and love his little sister while also behaving like an angel himself. After indulging in that vision for a few months before Penelope was born, I accepted the fact that things wouldn't go that way and that there were challenges ahead. I didn't expect, however, that those challenges would ultimately stem from me.

When I finally realized that my selfish feelings were hurting Patrick more and more, I began to pay more attention to the things he did well instead of his own selfish faults. And I found that he was ever the same curious, wilful, creative little boy. I have to constantly remind myself of this - he didn't ask to have a sister, and he shouldn't suffer because of it.

It's a challenge for me and it's a challenge for him, but it's hard for me to let him grow up. I suppose seeing Penelope as a brand new baby made me realize just how fast Patrick was growing up, and how much I didn't like it. Then again, it's nice to be able to teach him how to write the alphabet and see him write his name, to watch his imagination grow. I try to focus on that instead of how much he doesn't listen to me or how badly he misbehaves at times.

I feel that I'm a different person than I was before, but, at the same time, I'm more completely myself than I could ever have been.

I'm a very loyal person. I've been employed at the same place for six and a half years. I've had my sitD for nearly the same amount of time. Despite not seeing or speaking with them for years in some cases, my friends are still my friends. I've always been that way, and that hasn't changed. Understandably, becoming a wife and a mother has changed me considerably. I am now, above all things, fiercely loyal to my family.

Becoming a wife and a mother has also allowed me to become more reclusive [I've been trying to think of a more positive-sounding term, but I cannot at the moment]. Some days, the only people I see are JD, Patrick, and Penelope. I have no real interest in going to places without my family, no desire to reach out and connect with people I'm not already connected with.

People at work always say, 'Man, Ashley, you come to work, do your job, and go home, and you don't have to deal with all of the drama that's going on, with this person talking about this other person and blah blah blah.' 'That's right,' I say, 'I don't stick my nose in anyone's business but my own, and I don't gossip to make trouble. It's much easier that way.'

I take this and apply it to my life in general. I want to live a peaceful life, and I don't want to have to deal with silly people who don't understand things. That's what I've always wanted, deep down inside. I'm not lonely, nor do I feel sorry for myself for not having any things to do or places to be.

When I was younger, living in New Mexico with my mother after my parents got divorced, she would sometimes have to leave me with people while she went to work. They would always remark to her how I kept to myself, how they never had to bother with me, how I sat and read my books or drew pictures, or how I'd go outside and play in the yard. I take this as evidence of my recluse personality, even at such a young age [6-9ish, I believe].

As I grew up, I had grand dreams for myself of being popular with everyone and talking with everyone at parties and events. It took me quite a while to realize that I'm just not that kind of person. I'm at work for hours sometimes without speaking with anyone but myself, and that's just fine with me.

Once a connection is made with me, it very rarely dies. I suppose that's why new ones aren't on the top of my priorities. I have many loves, many fires burning that light me from within. I don't really need new ones.

Isn't it a horrible thing for me to be like this? Shouldn't I want to reach out, to make connections? Isn't that a normal part of being a human being? It must be, but I cannot help but be who I am. Finally.

sitD, I'm baaaaack! My sweater vest will never get finished.

Word of the Day: conciliatory

Penelope at one month

Pretty eyes! Pen's eyes are still bluish gray, and we all hope they stay that way. Or change to blue. The three of us have brown eyes, but JD's the only one in his family with brown eyes. My dad has blue eyes, so it's definitely in our families. She'd look so cute with blue eyes--I'm trying to picture Patrick with long hair and blue eyes, but it's just not registering. But anyway, her eyes are so pretty.

And, of course, she's super cute when she's sleeping, too.

One of Penelope's favorite places to be is on the changing pad because it's on top of a dresser with a gigantic mirror. Since she came home, she'd just lay there and look at herself or look at things in the mirror. I know that babies love mirrors, but she really loves mirrors.

She's very good with holding her head steady, so it follows that she's good with lifting her head when on her belly. However, when she was playing on her belly this evening, she just about flipped herself over a few times because she kicked her feet up so forcefully.

And then she got mad.

Finally, on that beautiful green blanket.

She went to the doctor two weeks ago for her two week visit, and she weighed 7 pounds, 14 ounces and was 20 inches long. As the days go by, she's staying up longer during the day and sleeping pretty well at night. Also, I'm discovering that she's pretty grumpy. She looks either grumpy and upset or very thoughtful most of the time. I know she's only a month old and the way she is now might not be the way she grows up, but I don't want her to be grumpy, I want her to be happy and giggly. Maybe that'll come once she learns how to smile and giggle.

This wasn't from today, but I thought this was the cutest thing:

Patrick alternately loves and ignores his sister. When she's crying, he covers his ears. I try to tell him to help console her, to sing to her and try to get her to calm down, but he'd just keep his ears covered. One day, though, he started singing the alphabet to her, and she quieted down. I praised the heck out of him for that, and he was just all sorts of proud of himself.

And speaking of the eldest, look what I found:

Patrick at one month. I guess I'd made him mad, too.

Word of the Day: alienist

Penelope was born on 22 November, 2008, at 10:04 PM. Once again, I was told earlier in the day that I had a UTI [which is what happened to trigger labor with Patrick, but I think I really was in labor but just a little dehydrated], and, once again, I gave birth without the help of pain medication. Not by choice, but because there was just no time. They sent me home to rest, but by the evening, my contractions were worse than before and we decided to just go back to the hospital. We got there around 8:45-ish, and Penelope was born at 10:04. It was agonizing, but also very short, so I wasn't much bothered by the labor after the fact. And now, the most important thing:

Very first picture.

On the scale, the reading is 7 lbs, 1.5 oz.

The nurses were so unprepared that they didn't have the scale in the room nor did they have anything to write her stats down on, so they jotted down the time, weight, and length on a paper towel. She was 7 lbs, 2 oz and 19.5 inches long [though they first measured her at 18.5 inches long].

Penny, meet Mommy.

Daddy and brother Patrick.

Pretty eyes.

Close-ups of Penelope while in the hospital.

Chillaxing at home in her bassinette.

One of my favorite pictures of Patrick when he was in the hospital, for comparison.

Word of the Day: extricate

JD and I have been married for four years.

Word of the Day: interloper

All that the hurricane brought us was a little bit of wind and one big rainshower the next day. I'm very glad that it missed us, and I'm also glad that my family in Louisiana were relatively unscathed as well.

This past week, the weather has been beautiful. I've barely had to use the air conditioner, it's been so cool in the mornings. I think that's over with by now, but that week was amazing. I didn't turn on the TV, I barely checked the internet. I cleaned my house and cooked and looked through my recipe books and reorganized my pantry and spice cabinet. It was great, that pre-fall week of fall.

Since Patrick was born preterm, the clinic wanted me to start seeing and obstitrician earlier than normal. So last week I went to my first appointment with Dr. Suarez. He's the overseeing doctor for the clinic, and I had met him once before at one of the first appointments I had with Penelope. He seemed very warm and enthusiastic for those two minutes, and the appointment confirmed that impression. He talked with JD and Patrick for a little bit, he was very nice and bubbly. I feel much better about having him as a doctor than Dr. San Miguel, who seemed the complete opposite of him.

Any road, the pregnancy is going well. Penelope is very active and is nearly always moving around when I'm laying down. I don't remember that with Patrick. At times it's very annoying because all I want to do is rest and she's flopping all over. I think we've very nearly finished our shopping for her as well. August and September has gone by so quickly, November is just around the corner. At times I'm really excited for Penelope's arrival, and at other times I think, 'What have we done? We're not ready for another baby.'

I've been getting pregnancy comments from guests at work, and it's been annoying lately. 'Oh, you look like you're about to pop!' someone told me. I informed them that I still have two months to go, and they seemed slightly repentant. I understand that sometimes, my belly is the obvious thing to talk about, but people should realize that, though it might be a novelty to them, I'm tired of it already, however far along they think I am. Although I have noticed irate guests being a bit nicer to me when I'm dealing with them, so that's a nice benefit to looking huge.

Today, at long last, is my spa day. I'll drop off Patrick with Laura [who moved back to Victoria during all of the Ike madness] this afternoon so that he can spend some time with his cousins, and I'm going to get massaged and rubbed and cleaned and in general pampered. JD even said he'd make dinner this evening so that it'll be ready when I get home. I've been looking forward to this for a long time, and I'm exceptionally excited about it.

Hopefully, since the weather's not at cool and beautiful as it had been lately, I won't feel so much like a bum and I'll update more. I'd been planning to, but everything else just seemed much more attractive to me.