NaNoWriMo is over, and I won again this year. The resulting partial manuscript is...underwhelming, to say the least. But I think there are some bits that I would be able to expand upon and use in the event of me actually sitting down and editing the thing into a piece of work. I just wanted to win something. I was going to use this entry to talk about Penelope and how she's growing, but I'll do that next time. Right now, I just want to mention that it's snowing outside. A very very wet and sloshy snow, so it's not really snow at all, but Patrick's convinced that later today we'll be able to go outside and build a seven foot snowman and have a snowball fight. Oh, the beauty of an optimistic child. Meanwhile, the hotel is in the process of being sold to UHV so that they can turn it into a dormitory for their newly-expanded four year program. I saw the article in the paper yesterday, and I was depressed all day long. When I went in, no one really knew what was going to happen to all of us because firstly, they haven't been approved by the state to buy the property, and secondly, no one from the school has talked to us yet. So that sucks. But right now, it's sort of snowing and I'm leaving to watch the 2010 Wold Cup draw. Go USA! Don't get drawn into a group of death again!

I'm very nearly 13,000 words into my novel for NaNoWriMo, and I'll continue my practice of putting up a bit here. The below is quite a long excerpt from my novel. It's not very well-written, but it was fun for me to write. Slight preface: the first football game of the school year had just ended. Shin sat above them all, watching the happy crowds flow out of the stadium. It was only half past ten, still early in the night, and even though he didn’t want to admit it, all of the excitement of the day had worn him out. When it was quite empty, Shin began to make his way to the band hall to meet with Kyle. ‘Dude!’ said Kyle as he emerged from the band hall in his street clothes, sweaty and smiling. ‘I didn’t really expect you to come!’ Shin was about to tell him that, despite his tepid attitude, he had a good time at the game, but Kyle immediately continued, ‘Come on, man, we’re all going to Whataburger to get some food, and I decided that you, as my patron, will be driving me tonight. What did you think about the show tonight? I don’t know how it looked from the stands, but from where I was the marching sucked. We sounded awesome, though, so I guess that’s not so bad for our first performance. I don’t know what happened in my section, though. I hate to say it, but I think Trent screwed it up for all of us when we were going from that huge arc in the front to that diagonal. However much I love that little kid, he was not at all confident in his marching. And I guess I can understand that because, you know, I was a freshman once and I don’t really remember a lot about the first show I marched. I do remember, though, that I ran across the field at totally the wrong time, and I got chewed out by both John and Nana, and, oh my God, I’m so glad that didn’t happen at the same time. Neither one of them will let me live that down, by the way. Before we marched out around the track before the game, John came up to me and told me to keep my calm, that he didn’t want to see me spazz out like I did then. I wanted to punch him so badly, but I didn’t want to get suspended for kicking my teacher’s ass, and I knew he was just messing with me. And then when we were eating dinner, Nana was telling my brothers that same damn story, glaring at me the whole time, like I did that just to embarrass her.’ While suffering through this monologue, Shin guided Kyle across the practice field and towards his lonely car in the stadium parking lot. Still talking about the quality of their marching, Kyle took the passenger seat and, throwing his trumpet case in the back seat, made himself comfortable. As Shin pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards the heaven that was Whataburger, one of the only blessings of this new town, Kyle said, in quite a different tone of voice than what he had ever heard from him, ‘So, dude, tell me if this is insensitive or whatever, but I noticed that you don’t ever talk about your parents. Are they…eh…departed, or…’ And he looked at Shin quite seriously. ‘What, you’re asking if they’re dead?’ Shin said in feign shock and disbelief. ‘I’m so sorry, Shin,’ Kyle began rapidly before Shin held up a hand to stop him, cracking a smile. ‘No, no,’ he said as he chuckled, ‘nothing like that. They’re not dead, they’re just travelling.’ Kyle looked relieved. ‘Damn, that was mean!’ he shouted, punching Shin on the shoulder. ‘Here I was thinking you were going to drive me off into a corn field and leave me there for asking about your dead parents.’ They drove on for a while in silence. Shin, being very unwilling to volunteer information about himself, decided he would wait to see if Kyle would inquire further, and, it so happened, inquire he did. ‘You said they were travelling?’ he asked presently. ‘Are they on like a second honeymoon or something? Like, a crossing things off their bucket list kind of trip?’ Shin looked thoughtful for a moment and replied, ‘I guess you could say that.’ ‘Dude, that is so sweet. If I had money like y’all had money, I’d be taking trips every six months from now until I died.’ ‘I take it that you think my family’s rich,’ Shin said. Kyle stared at him dramatically, with his eyes and mouth wide open, for a full five seconds before he said, emphasizing every syllable, ‘Ni-ne thou-sa-n-d. And one of those checks was in the name of Charlotte Green who, I know for a fact, is your sister.’ Shin thought for a moment, and decided that he would go out on a limb and trust Kyle Reina. ‘Kyle,’ he said seriously, which got Kyle’s attention. ‘I’ve never told anyone here this, and I don’t want you telling anyone else, either. So you’ve got to promise me to keep your mouth shut about it. Got it?’ Looking very solemn, Kyle stuck out one of his pinkie fingers towards Shin and said, ‘Dude, I will pinkie swear that I will never, ever tell anyone what you’re about to tell me. Not even Nana.’ ‘Don’t give me that,’ Shin said, slapping Kyle’s hand away from him, ‘I’m not going to pinky swear.’ But Kyle was persistent, and somehow, Shin found his pinky locked in Kyle’s, and he repeated his oath, that not even Nana would he tell. ‘Fine, fine,’ Shin said, shaking Kyle’s finger from his, ‘geez.’ He took a deep breath and began, ‘Last December, around Christmas time, my dad won the lottery where we used to live.’ He expected Kyle to interrupt with some interjection, but he just sat there, waiting for Shin to continue. ‘He won three hundred million—‘ ‘Holy crap!’ Kyle screeched, which surprised Shin so much that he swerved into the shoulder of the road. ‘Sorry, man, I just wasn’t expecting that,’ he said as Shin returned to the lane, both hands on the wheel. ‘After taxes and whatever,’ he continued, ‘I think they got something like a hundred and fifty million. It was a record pot. So, after the holidays, my parents packed their bags and left for South America, and I haven’t heard from them since then.’ ‘What?’ Kyle said sharply. ‘They just left you and Sean by yourselves?’ ‘We were with Charlotte, but she was teaching and planning her wedding, so it pretty much just the two of us. Thank goodness for Charlotte, though, because if it weren’t for her, I think my parents would have forgotten completely about the two of us. She was the one who made them set up college accounts and living accounts for us so that at least we’d have something before they spent it all living in the Amazon and drinking wine in France. She didn’t want anything for herself, she was thinking of us. When Robert got his new job down here, Charlotte didn’t want to leave us not knowing when our parents would be back, so she had us move with them.’ There was a long silence where the only sound was the lonely humming of the tires on the asphalt. Shin took a few sidelong glances at Kyle to find him looking very contemplative. Finally, Kyle said— ‘So I guess that’s why you’re so distant with people.’ ‘I figured you would understand,’ said Shin. ‘You don’t want to get close to people because your parents, two of the closest people to you, left you alone without a thought for you. A lot of your friends probably treated you differently, too, after they heard about the money, right?’ Shin nodded. ‘At first, they were careful about it, but by the end of the semester, random people would ask me for money because so-and-so told them I’d give it to them. One of my friends turned out to be a big druggie and wanted me to start dealing with him. But everyone changed towards me and even Sean once they knew.’ ‘You’re afraid that we’ll do that, too?’ ‘I guess so.’ Suddenly, Shin felt a sharp pain on the side of his head where Kyle had, apparently, boxed his ear. ‘Kyle, what the hell?” Shin shouted. ‘I’m driving!’ ‘So all your friends turned out to be money-grubbing bastards, and now you think we’ll be that way, too?!’ Kyle yelled back, seriously angry. ‘You want all that money back? I’ll go to the bank tomorrow and get it out and bring it to your sister, first thing in the morning! Nana’s going to kill me, but I’ll do it if it’ll make you stop acting like an idiot!’ ‘Kyle, I don’t—‘ ‘Yeah, you’ll be at the cemetery and you’ll be thinking, “Man, I really wish I wouldn’t have acted like such a dumbass idiot and made Kyle give back that totally sweet nine thou. Then Nana wouldn’t have had to kill him and get thrown into the old granny jail, and then his two little brothers wouldn’t be here crying their little eyes out because they miss their brother and their nana who’s in the clinker because she killed Kyle, and they don’t have anywhere to go except into foster care, where they’ll get split up and will probably never be adopted, all because I didn’t trust Kyle and made him give back that money.” That’s what you’ll be thinking, you idiot, standing in the rain at my funeral!’ ‘Why in the rain?’ ‘And everyone else, too, man, everyone who’s nice to you and try to talk to you in class, like Hannah and Gracia, and all the little freshman who look up to you because you kicked that dick Dustin Knight’s ass, they’re all gonna be standing in the rain at my funeral, all like, “Dude, I can’t believe Shin Lorensen was that cold-hearted to Kyle to make him give back that nine thou, and that’s why Kyle’s nana killed him, did you know that? And he won’t be friends with any of us because he’s too afraid that all the money his parents won is going to change what we think about him. And he seemed like a really nice guy that made some really tasty eggs and scone-things and let Kyle eat them one morning—oh, the morning his sister gave him that also tasty nine thou!” ‘Kyle, that’s enough!’ Shin bellowed before he could go on. ‘That’s enough about the money Charlotte gave you! I don’t want it back, I don’t even want to talk about money anymore, so shut up!’ ‘You really mean that?’ ‘What?’ Shin asked, completely exasperated. ‘You don’t want to talk about money anymore?’ ‘Yes, Kyle, please don’t ever mention that money, any money, around me ever again!’ ‘All right!’ Kyle shouted, clapping his hands together, smiling widely. ‘It’s a done deal! We’ll never talk about money again, so just don’t worry about it, all right?’ By this time, they had arrived at Whataburger and were idling in the parking lot. Shin stared at Kyle dumbly. Kyle looked at Shin sidelong and said, ‘It’s a new start, right? That’s probably why Charlotte wanted y’all to come with her. If you don’t go into it, people won’t really care why you live in that huge house with your sister and her husband. I mean, hell, man, I live with my nana and my parents are farther out of the picture that yours are, but nobody cares. Just give us all a chance, all right?’ With that, he got out of the car. Shin did the same and started walking towards the doors to the restaurant. ‘I guess we’re really friends now, right?’ Kyle said to him quietly. ‘I guess so,’ he answered. He stopped at the doors and said, ‘Why would it be raining at your funeral?’ Kyle said, slapping Shin on the back, ‘Because that’s what happens at funerals. It’s either raining from the sky or raining from your eyes.’ ‘That’s the corniest thing I’ve ever heard,’ Shin said. Suddenly, the doors opened and a tall boy staggered out right on top of them, shouting back inside, ‘I am the goddamn king! Whoo-hoooooo!!’

While I was in the hospital after Penelope was born, I was so happy. I had a wonderful husband, a sweet little boy, and a brand new pink baby. My beautiful family was growing, and my hours passed in relative peace. When I got home, something changed. It was the first day we were home together, and JD had gone off to work. Penelope was asleep in her bassinet in the living room, and Patrick climbed on my lap to snuggle with me. I noticed then how incredibly heavy he was, how ridiculously large his hands were, how hot his face and hair were, and I hated it. It was then that I began to resent this sweet little boy. On that day, and for many months afterwards, I irrationally held it against Patrick for growing up, for interrupting my time with tiny, new Penelope, as if it were his fault for needing my attention. However ashamed I am to admit it, those were my feelings. I knew that it was stupid to feel that way, and it was because I knew this that I felt even more resentment towards him, as if he were rubbing it in my face that I felt that way in the first place. This lasted some months, and finally it has lessened itself. However, I believe those months of resentment has damaged Patrick a bit. I'm sure he picked up on my feeling and probably began to feel the same way. There have been many yelling fits between us both, and many many times where he's told me that he hates me. It's very rare that he listens to me when I ask him for help or when I discipline him. I know that I've probably doomed myself to this, so I try to be patient with him and give him the attention I know he wants. We have our good days and our bad days, and some weeks the bad outnumber the good. Others, though, are the opposite, for which I am thankful. I've always been a bit of a romantic, but I've tried to temper it with reality. When I imagined having two children, I thought Patrick would be helpful and love his little sister while also behaving like an angel himself. After indulging in that vision for a few months before Penelope was born, I accepted the fact that things wouldn't go that way and that there were challenges ahead. I didn't expect, however, that those challenges would ultimately stem from me. When I finally realized that my selfish feelings were hurting Patrick more and more, I began to pay more attention to the things he did well instead of his own selfish faults. And I found that he was ever the same curious, wilful, creative little boy. I have to constantly remind myself of this - he didn't ask to have a sister, and he shouldn't suffer because of it. It's a challenge for me and it's a challenge for him, but it's hard for me to let him grow up. I suppose seeing Penelope as a brand new baby made me realize just how fast Patrick was growing up, and how much I didn't like it. Then again, it's nice to be able to teach him how to write the alphabet and see him write his name, to watch his imagination grow. I try to focus on that instead of how much he doesn't listen to me or how badly he misbehaves at times.

I feel that I'm a different person than I was before, but, at the same time, I'm more completely myself than I could ever have been. I'm a very loyal person. I've been employed at the same place for six and a half years. I've had my sitD for nearly the same amount of time. Despite not seeing or speaking with them for years in some cases, my friends are still my friends. I've always been that way, and that hasn't changed. Understandably, becoming a wife and a mother has changed me considerably. I am now, above all things, fiercely loyal to my family. Becoming a wife and a mother has also allowed me to become more reclusive [I've been trying to think of a more positive-sounding term, but I cannot at the moment]. Some days, the only people I see are JD, Patrick, and Penelope. I have no real interest in going to places without my family, no desire to reach out and connect with people I'm not already connected with. People at work always say, 'Man, Ashley, you come to work, do your job, and go home, and you don't have to deal with all of the drama that's going on, with this person talking about this other person and blah blah blah.' 'That's right,' I say, 'I don't stick my nose in anyone's business but my own, and I don't gossip to make trouble. It's much easier that way.' I take this and apply it to my life in general. I want to live a peaceful life, and I don't want to have to deal with silly people who don't understand things. That's what I've always wanted, deep down inside. I'm not lonely, nor do I feel sorry for myself for not having any things to do or places to be. When I was younger, living in New Mexico with my mother after my parents got divorced, she would sometimes have to leave me with people while she went to work. They would always remark to her how I kept to myself, how they never had to bother with me, how I sat and read my books or drew pictures, or how I'd go outside and play in the yard. I take this as evidence of my recluse personality, even at such a young age [6-9ish, I believe]. As I grew up, I had grand dreams for myself of being popular with everyone and talking with everyone at parties and events. It took me quite a while to realize that I'm just not that kind of person. I'm at work for hours sometimes without speaking with anyone but myself, and that's just fine with me. Once a connection is made with me, it very rarely dies. I suppose that's why new ones aren't on the top of my priorities. I have many loves, many fires burning that light me from within. I don't really need new ones. Isn't it a horrible thing for me to be like this? Shouldn't I want to reach out, to make connections? Isn't that a normal part of being a human being? It must be, but I cannot help but be who I am. Finally.

sitD, I'm baaaaack! My sweater vest will never get finished.

Word of the Day: conciliatory Penelope at one month Pretty eyes! Pen's eyes are still bluish gray, and we all hope they stay that way. Or change to blue. The three of us have brown eyes, but JD's the only one in his family with brown eyes. My dad has blue eyes, so it's definitely in our families. She'd look so cute with blue eyes--I'm trying to picture Patrick with long hair and blue eyes, but it's just not registering. But anyway, her eyes are so pretty. And, of course, she's super cute when she's sleeping, too. One of Penelope's favorite places to be is on the changing pad because it's on top of a dresser with a gigantic mirror. Since she came home, she'd just lay there and look at herself or look at things in the mirror. I know that babies love mirrors, but she really loves mirrors. She's very good with holding her head steady, so it follows that she's good with lifting her head when on her belly. However, when she was playing on her belly this evening, she just about flipped herself over a few times because she kicked her feet up so forcefully. And then she got mad. Finally, on that beautiful green blanket. She went to the doctor two weeks ago for her two week visit, and she weighed 7 pounds, 14 ounces and was 20 inches long. As the days go by, she's staying up longer during the day and sleeping pretty well at night. Also, I'm discovering that she's pretty grumpy. She looks either grumpy and upset or very thoughtful most of the time. I know she's only a month old and the way she is now might not be the way she grows up, but I don't want her to be grumpy, I want her to be happy and giggly. Maybe that'll come once she learns how to smile and giggle. This wasn't from today, but I thought this was the cutest thing: Patrick alternately loves and ignores his sister. When she's crying, he covers his ears. I try to tell him to help console her, to sing to her and try to get her to calm down, but he'd just keep his ears covered. One day, though, he started singing the alphabet to her, and she quieted down. I praised the heck out of him for that, and he was just all sorts of proud of himself. And speaking of the eldest, look what I found: Patrick at one month. I guess I'd made him mad, too.

Word of the Day: alienist Penelope was born on 22 November, 2008, at 10:04 PM. Once again, I was told earlier in the day that I had a UTI [which is what happened to trigger labor with Patrick, but I think I really was in labor but just a little dehydrated], and, once again, I gave birth without the help of pain medication. Not by choice, but because there was just no time. They sent me home to rest, but by the evening, my contractions were worse than before and we decided to just go back to the hospital. We got there around 8:45-ish, and Penelope was born at 10:04. It was agonizing, but also very short, so I wasn't much bothered by the labor after the fact. And now, the most important thing: Very first picture. On the scale, the reading is 7 lbs, 1.5 oz. The nurses were so unprepared that they didn't have the scale in the room nor did they have anything to write her stats down on, so they jotted down the time, weight, and length on a paper towel. She was 7 lbs, 2 oz and 19.5 inches long [though they first measured her at 18.5 inches long]. Penny, meet Mommy. Daddy and brother Patrick. Pretty eyes. Close-ups of Penelope while in the hospital. Chillaxing at home in her bassinette. One of my favorite pictures of Patrick when he was in the hospital, for comparison.

Word of the Day: extricate JD and I have been married for four years.

Word of the Day: interloper All that the hurricane brought us was a little bit of wind and one big rainshower the next day. I'm very glad that it missed us, and I'm also glad that my family in Louisiana were relatively unscathed as well. This past week, the weather has been beautiful. I've barely had to use the air conditioner, it's been so cool in the mornings. I think that's over with by now, but that week was amazing. I didn't turn on the TV, I barely checked the internet. I cleaned my house and cooked and looked through my recipe books and reorganized my pantry and spice cabinet. It was great, that pre-fall week of fall. Since Patrick was born preterm, the clinic wanted me to start seeing and obstitrician earlier than normal. So last week I went to my first appointment with Dr. Suarez. He's the overseeing doctor for the clinic, and I had met him once before at one of the first appointments I had with Penelope. He seemed very warm and enthusiastic for those two minutes, and the appointment confirmed that impression. He talked with JD and Patrick for a little bit, he was very nice and bubbly. I feel much better about having him as a doctor than Dr. San Miguel, who seemed the complete opposite of him. Any road, the pregnancy is going well. Penelope is very active and is nearly always moving around when I'm laying down. I don't remember that with Patrick. At times it's very annoying because all I want to do is rest and she's flopping all over. I think we've very nearly finished our shopping for her as well. August and September has gone by so quickly, November is just around the corner. At times I'm really excited for Penelope's arrival, and at other times I think, 'What have we done? We're not ready for another baby.' I've been getting pregnancy comments from guests at work, and it's been annoying lately. 'Oh, you look like you're about to pop!' someone told me. I informed them that I still have two months to go, and they seemed slightly repentant. I understand that sometimes, my belly is the obvious thing to talk about, but people should realize that, though it might be a novelty to them, I'm tired of it already, however far along they think I am. Although I have noticed irate guests being a bit nicer to me when I'm dealing with them, so that's a nice benefit to looking huge. Today, at long last, is my spa day. I'll drop off Patrick with Laura [who moved back to Victoria during all of the Ike madness] this afternoon so that he can spend some time with his cousins, and I'm going to get massaged and rubbed and cleaned and in general pampered. JD even said he'd make dinner this evening so that it'll be ready when I get home. I've been looking forward to this for a long time, and I'm exceptionally excited about it. Hopefully, since the weather's not at cool and beautiful as it had been lately, I won't feel so much like a bum and I'll update more. I'd been planning to, but everything else just seemed much more attractive to me.

Wrod of the Day: replete Since Ike decided to move further north and come into Galveston instead of Port O'Connor or Port Lavaca, we decided to stay home instead of driving to Austin. So, pretty much, all of the worrying I did the past two days have been for nothing. Sorry, Penelope, for what I've put you through.

Word of the Day: kvell I know that no matter where you live in the country, you're in danger of some sort of natural weather [or geological, since earthquakes don't care about the weather] phenomenon. But hurricanes just seem like one of the worst things. I'd rather be caught by surprise by a storm or something than have to agonize for a week about where a hurricane is going to make landfall. I was anxious all the while Gustav was rolling around the Gulf because my whole family lives in coastal Louisiana. I'm now I'm twice as anxious because Ike is [at the moment] heading pretty much straight towards us here. I bought sandwich supplies today, filled up the car, made sure we had a buttload of water, made a list of things to take with us if we evacuate, and later I'll try to figure out the most important thing--where we'll be going if we must. One of the most frustrating things is that the storm might not even come to us, it's just projected to now. That could change overnight. So I could make all these plans and lists and worry and agonize today, and by tomorrow it might be all for naught. I can't even focus my brain on anything else right now. It's all just water and wind and money and destruction. I'm so nervous.

Word of the Day: sophistry A few weeks ago, Patrick and I had a special mommy and Patrick day out after my prenatal apointment. I figured that there was too much 'Penelope this, Penelope that' and Patrick might appreciate some time to do whatever he wanted to. So we went to the mall and he picked out a book, Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?, for me to buy him, got some pizza, looked at hermit crabs, got a cookie to share. Patrick thoroughly enjoyed himself, for which I am thankful. He also loves the book I bought him. I remember loving that same book as well, and I have distinct memories of being in kindergarten and being given blank pictures of the animals to color and make our own version of the book. For the first few days, he made me read it to him until I couldn't take it anymore. After a couple of weeks of reading it to him, he'd memorized the book. The other morning, he came to wake me up and told me that he'd read his book to me. So I rolled over and he laid down next to me and read me his book, front to back. I was just happy all day about that. Last week, I made a resolution. I noticed that most of the trash I was taking out that day was water bottles and boxes, and I thought, 'I've got to be able to recycle some of this. I mean, we'd only have to take out the trash once a week if we recycled all the bottles only.' So I did some internet research and discovered that pretty much the only things you can recycle here in Victoria are plastic water bottles, cardboard and pasteboard, paper, and steel and tin cans. Pretty much anything with #1 or #2, and that's it. So I set up a Rubbermaid tub in the pantry for our recycling and told Patrick that when I ask him to put something in the recycling box, that's where it belonged. It's kind of annoying because with the bottles you've got to take off the labels and cut off the bottoms, and they need to be crushed as well. It's time consuming a bit. But it's nice to not have to take out the trash every couple of days. Also, I finally made my appointment with the Woodhouse for my spa package in September. I'm so excited about it, I decorated the day on the calendar. Yeah, that's me being excited.

Word of the Day: bevy I'm was extremely glad to say goodbye to July. I don't know what it is precisely, but the collective months of July, August, and September is my least favorite time of the year, especially July. The month went by so slowly, and now August is just flying by. Perception is a strange thing. All the days that led up to the Olympics, I was ready to have them over with. I was very tired of hearing about both Michael Phelps and China in general. But I can't help watching it. I love watching gymnastic competitions, and so I enthusiastically supported our teams the past two nights. I don't know what it is, if it's because I'm pregnant or what, but I've been cooking a lot more lately. So it seems. I'd been looking for a recipe for red beans and rice, but all the ones I saw either used ground beef or tomatoes, neither of which were in my mother's. I didn't just want red beans and rice, I wanted Mommy's. So I asked her how she made hers, and made it that next weekend. It's ridiculously simple, and it was so so good. I made her taste some when I saw her that next Monday, and she said that it was really close to what her mother, my dear grandmother, used to make, which nearly made me cry. Also, I tried to roast a chicken, and it might have been either the method or the recipe, but it came out rather bland. I was disappointed. The next day, however, I made a pizza that turned out rather successfully, so I suppose that made up for it. We bought one large piece of equipment for Penelope a few weeks ago: her bed. Our Target was constantly out of stock when it came to these beds. I called a few times in the morning to see if they had received any and to put our name on one if they had so that JD could get it in the truck after work, but they said no. Finally, one day I checked the availability online, and it said 'available.' I called the store to confirm, but the guy who answered and checked said they still didn't have any. I asked JD to check anyway, just in case they did have one in, and I came home to a crib in Patrick's room. It was a two week ordeal over this bed, but now that we have it, I feel much more better about everything else. And speaking of Penelope, I'm getting to the stage where I'm feeling kicks and flips and things from her. I'll be at work, sitting down reading or something, and suddenly there's stuff going on in my belly. I think, 'Holy crap, I really am pregnant, aren't I?' It just seems much more real to me to feel her having fun in there as opposed to pictures from the ultrasound or even the heartbeat. It seems that with this pregnancy, I'm more detached, I guess you'd say. It's hard to explain, even in my own head. On one hand, I'm excited about our growing family, about having a little babeh to take care of and watch grow. On the other hand, I'm still doubting if we made the right choice to have another child, if we'll be all right financially, how the family dynamic will change. I suppose it's the whimsical side contrasting the practical side of me. I didn't really have this problem with Patrick because we didn't have a choice with him--he just came and we had to deal wth the situation, as harsh as that might sound. But with Penelope, we made a conscious decision, so of course I'll doubt it. Any road, the whole point was that some days, I'm just surprised that I'm pregnant, as silly as that might be.

Word of the Day: bindle stiff It's taken me a couple of days to come to terms with the girl part of my baby. I sort of felt that we were better off not knowing. It was a strange feeling when the tech told us, I think because we opted not to find out with Patrick. And even though we waited for it for so long, the actual announcement came too early for me, as strange as it sounds. Any road, I've gotten used to the fact that we're having a girl and I've started looking for things that aren't pink, since I'm certainly not fond of the color. As far as naming went, we had compiled a list of names we liked when we were first pregnant. JD looked at our two lists and came up with some combinations. After that, I refused to participate any longer. Since we were going to find out the sex, what did it matter if we had names picked out or not? I didn't want to have to spend four days picking a girls name that I was satisfied with if we were having a boy, or vise versa. So after I got home from work Monday night, we sat down and went through names. After about an hour or more, we had pared down the list to two: Molly Elisabeth and Penelope Claire. He didn't like Claire, and I didn't like Molly that much [or the flow of Molly Elisabeth, or really the look of the names together]. After a while of thinking and playing around on the internet, I was coming to terms with Molly after changing the spelling for the middle name and beginning to dislike the look of the Claire. JD was looking for something else to replace the Claire with Penelope and mentioned Elizabeth, which I liked. So then we had Molly Elizabeth and Penelope Elizabeth, with each of us preferring the opposite. By the time we went to bed, JD said that he had settled on Penelope, and we were both so excited that we could barely sleep. I'm only writing all of this out so that I can remember it later, because I can't remember anything unless I write it. So I've started eagerly knitting Penny's blanket, but it's slow going. I think it's just because it's a blanket and blankets take longer to knit than most other things I've done, but my progress is a bit frustrating. I'm happy to be knitting, though. Patrick does seem a bit jealous that I'm knitting for his sister, but I already promised him to knit him another sweater once it gets to be a bit cooler, when he's grown a bit bigger. I told him he could pick out the color even and he got excited about that. He said he wanted pink and green and blue and black and if I wouldn't have stopped him, he would have went on with every color he knows. When we told Patrick he was going to have a sister, he was not enthused, partly because he had been playing in the outpatient waiting room with my mother and knew now that Mommy and Daddy were back, we would have to leave. But later on, and the next day after we told him the name, he seemed more enthusiastic. Now it's 'Penelope this' and 'Penelope that'. It's pretty funny, actually, because he says his l's like w's mostly, so when he says 'yellow' it's more like 'yewow'. When we were talking about boys names, we made Patrick say Liam, which was of course Wiam for him, and it was supremely funny. Any road, it's Penewope instead of Penelope, and it's so cute to hear him say that. He would have had trouble with Molly as well, come to think about it. Any road, for him, not too much has changed now that he knows it's a girl baby and not a boy baby, that he's getting a sister instead of a brother. He's still going to be a brother, and I think that's all that really matters to him at the moment. And, of course, he doesn't realize the responsibility placed on him now that he's a brother, to proctect and teach his sister what he knows. Most of my activity this week has been centered around Penny. We had the ultrasound, choosing the name, I started her blanket [which, by the way, will be red and white instead of pink or melon and white], Patrick and I went to our appointment to reapply for WIC. I really really want to breastfeed Penelope, and I know WIC encourages that, even to the point of giving people pumps if they need them. Since I don't personally know anyone who's breastefed their children, I'll probably be relying on their lactation consultant for help. Back on track--I've been telling people the female news and our name choice. Perhaps because it's so familiar to me, but I'm astounded that people think Penelope is a strange name. I mean, I know it's unique, especially here in South Texas, and I personally don't know anyone else named Penelope, but still. JD said that the secretary in the cabinet shop told him not to name his daughter Penelope [this coming from a girl named Diedra] and aparently people don't know how to say it when they see it. Although, looking at with with my poor expertise at pronouncing English, I would think it looks like cantaloupe and say it like that. Whatever the case, if she doesn't like the full name, she can ask people to call her Penny or Pen. I'll always call her Penelope. Finally, I'm getting this for her crib. Holy crap, it's so freakin cute.

Word of the Day: caustic Girl. Name: Penelope Elizabeth.

Word of the Day: asperse Written last night, 19 July, at work: IT's really sad when I'm at work and I've got so little to do that I'm typing out an entry. I brought a book, but it's pretty hard to get into. It's A Spell for Chameleon by Piers Anthony. JD recommended it to me after becoming tired of me reading the same books over and over because I'm, firstly, too cheap to buy any more books and, secondly, too lazy to get out of the house and get a library card. Come to think of it, when I first moved to Victoria, we went to get a library card for me, and I never got it in the mail. Yeah--I remember that, we went to the library and the girl who tok my information was rude. Any road, that was over three years ago, probably closer to four by now, so I guess I should try again. The book is hard for me to get into because it's a travel book--this kid is on a journey to find this magician, but he keeps getting sidetracked. Not only that, but the narrator is longwinded with things. So I'm not really enjoying it, but I'm trudging along because JD said it was good. Normally when it's boring at work, I play on the internet, mostly reading manga. In fact, I was doing that today when the internet just suddenly cut off. It was really irritating because a few minutes after that, I needed to get in touch with our maintenance man and give him an order. He speaks very little English and I speak minimal Spanish, so I usually use an internet translator to figure out what I'm going to say. It's good practice for me since I don't use my Spanish frequently, but it's also frustrating sometimes. However, without a translator but with a map instead, I got my point across. The past three weekends have been like uberhell here at the hotel. We still don't have a real system, but genius Simon made a set of spreadsheets that keeps up with who's in-house and prints out presentable registration cards and receipts. We're still not able to keep real records or keep track of reservations apart from handwritten ones, but it's a bit easier. But these three weekends were ridiculous. There was a family reunion each weekend, wedding parties, a bowling tournament, all these people who said that they had reservations but who really didn't since our system is gone. It was really stressful, and last weekend I was convinced I was going to have an anxiety attack, complete with chest pains and breathing problems. All I got out of it all, though was a few sleepless nights and a sore throat last Sunday, the end of it all. I was so angry because we weren't prepared at all and nobody wanted to take responsibility. It would have been much easier with a real system, but I can't get a straight answer as far as if or when we're getting one. It would have been easier if Donna, the sales manager, would have called these people before hands, explained our sorry situation and asked them to remake the reservations. It would have been easier also if Theresa hadn't been acting like a crazed psycho, yelling at everyone and acting like she was fixing everything. For me, work is nothing but a constant set of problems to fix. Then again, that's probably what work is anyway. Down here, gas hasn't passed $4.00 a gallon as of yet, I don't think. Maybe for a couple of days, but if it did, it surely didn't last long. Thursday night when I was driving home from work, gas was at $3.89 a gallon. JD sent me a text message a few hours ago saying that it's nor $3.69 at the station near our hourse. How amazing is that? I hope prices are going down that quickly everywhere across the country. Of course, I know that it definitely won't last, but it's nice when it does. Even though people try to predict the economy, there are still surprises. It's like weather in that respect. We go have what is hopefully the ultrasound on Monday. I've arranged it so that my mother can watch Patrick in the waiting area since children aren't allowed in the testing room. I'm really glad I was able to get exactly what I asked for because I know my mother will be immensely please being one fo the first to know the sex. Since I've already had two ultrasounds, this one is pretty much a 'who cares' one for me apart from the gender information. However I know I'll be excited on Monday after we're done with the ultrasound, just because I can finally go to Hobby Lobby and get yarn to start on the blanket I've been wanting to knit for years [maybe two years at the very very most]. More on the baby front--people have begun noticing that I'm pregnant and not just lumpy. I even bought a couple more shirts, even though I really needs pants. I can't find any pants, thought that are more or as comfortable that the jeans I got from Old Navy, which I wear pretty much every day at home. I have a few pants from when I was pregnant with Patrick, but they don't fit me yet since I pretty much refused to buy maternity clothes until I was really far along. Luckily, there's never any managers here during the weekend, so I wear my jeans to work sometimes. I wear nice-looking shores, at least. So they're just going to have to work with me or buy me a work maternity wardrobe because I'm not spending money on maternity trousers when hardly anyone sees my legs anyway. I'm not really worried about it, but I got on the scale this morning and it read a rather unbelieveable 155. I'm pretty sure that's what I started out weighing. Quite obviously to me, my scale is wrong in the first place [because at my last appointment about two weeks ago, their scale said 158], but it should still catch weight gain. I'm not worried just yet because I've been eating, better than usual actually. I'll bring it up with the nurse practitioner next month if their scale shows the same or just a little more than the 158 from last time. As far as my health is concerned, I feel quite well. I have more energy, though I'm stil cranky at times if I'm tired. Recently, I'd been waking up in the ealry mornings with a backache and I'd toss and turn until JD had to get up, not able to get sufficiently comfortable. I'd been sleeping with a pillow beterrn my knees, so I decided one night to sleep without it, and I woke up like I hadn't in weeks, feeling nice and comfortable other than the regular elbowing from my husband and baby. A couple of days ago, we had an unexpected storm blow in, and that evening, my right eye started watering. It's still water, and it sometimes leaks a thick, cream colored excrement from the duct. My eye isn't really itchy unless I've been messing with it or wiping it often, and I don't have any other allergy symptoms, like my other eyes watering, sinus pressure, water nose, nothing. Just this one eye. It's kind of frustrating because my allergy eyedrops don't really help, and my under-eyelid is raw and tender from patting the wetness away. I feel no need to see a doctor about it since it's more of a bother than an actual pain, but if it lasts I might have to call the clinic just to be sure. So, I don't know what it is, but I've been in the baking mood lately. Not baking sweets like cakes or brownies [oooh, fudgy brownies...] or cookies, but bread and things like that. As per my last entry, I made some scones. They turned out more like sweetish biscuits, but they were super good with butter and strawberry preserves. Next time i make them, I want to put the strawberry preserves straight in the dough and see how that comes out. Or maybe some vanilla extract and chocolate chips. Or some orange zest or some citrusy flavor. I also made a loaf of bread and have been eating bread and butter for breakfast. I'm not one for baking, and I just figured out how to use a rolling pin and make dough correctly, but I do like handmaking bread. It's simple and so tasty. It's been about two hours since I started this and still no internet. A huge group of rowdy kids with drinks in their hands just got dropped off by a Hummer limo to go to a party in one of the banquet rooms. I say kids, but they're all around my age, I think. I'm so old--mind-old, not age-old. I'm 24 going on something around 45. *************************************** Five months

Word of the Day: belvedere I've had a crappy July, just like normal, but there'll be more detail next time. More importantly, I made scones. They look like biscuits, but they're sweeter. They're plain, no flavors other than sugar, but I just had to see if I could even make them. Now that I know I can, my brain's going into overdrive with ideas of what to put in them. There was a tiny bit left over from the dough, which Patrick decided to claim for himself. All he did was mush it around, but he was happy enough to do that. I've got +5 baking!

Word of the Day: reify I greatly dislike July. I've really got nothing to look forward to for months. It's hot and miserable. Maybe that's why I'm feeling a touch depressed, because it's July. Any road, I was clicking around for kitting patterns and realized that it had been a ridiculouly long time since I had done. I found this pattern which really excited me. The only things that Patrick has on his walls are a clock and pictures of two of his cousins. I figured that once I find out the sex of child II, I could make a set for Patrick with his name and a set for the baby with its name and put them up on the walls over their respective beds. How cute would that be? The other day, our cable box went out. I don't know how long cable boxes are supposed to last, but I think it's silly that ours only lasted from November to the end of June--seven months. Less time than it take for a baby to grow and be born. I mean, we didn't have to pay for another one, they just gave us another box, but how poorly made must that box have been for it to last only seven months? When we lived with JD's mom, we never had to switch a box, and we lived with her for a bit over two years. When we discovered it was dead, I asked JD, 'I guess that means I've been doing too much recording, eh?' He said that that really shouldn't matter, that they might just last that long. Pft, how ridiculous.

Word of the Day: procrustean I was thisclose to finishing a nice, full entry when Patrick came to sit on me and poked at the computer and erased the whole damn thing. So, a short and unfulfilling recap: 1. Euro 2008 is awesome and Germany is kicking ass. 2. I'm feeling more pregnant and less lumpy, we're all excited to learn the sex of the baby, and I'm also excited to start knitting for it. 3. Patrick is awesome and is growing up right in front of me...enter cute story about him having an accident in the middle of the night and him taking care of it himself. 4. Patrick's also been much better the past couple of weeks. All right, recap done. Now on to pictures. More than anything, Patrick looooves helping my mother clean my bathroom. I tell her not to, but she knows that he enjoys it and I think that's her motivation. He likes to spray, so he'll spray in the bathtub and clean it with a sponge. Also, he'll spray the walls and clean the walls. It's really funny because he sings his 'doing something' song--it's something he sings when he's doing pretty much anything, playing, cleaning up, building with blocks, anything. Right before I had to leave to go to work yesterday, Patrick started to build a kickass castle. I told JD that I wanted pictures when he was done with it, and look, look how awesome it is! He's getting so creative when he's building with his blocks. I'll ask him what he's making, and he says all sorts of crazy things, a tree house, a pirate boat, a rocket ship, a horse. It's just fun to watch him. And this morning, when I was cutting up things to throw in the crock pot for dinner: He said he wanted to wash the dishes, and so I let him wash a few little plates, pieces of silverware, and cups. He actually did really well on his own, but I helped him along a bit. Really, I think he only wanted to wash the dishes for this: He can't help it, he loves bubble beards. JD told me that yesterday, Patrick was poking around in some boxes in our room when he found his little green blanket from way back when. He was thoroughly upset because it's all stained brown in places and we were going to throw it away. He said that it was for the baby and the baby was going to be wraped in it and be nice and comfy and cozy. How could I throw it away after all of that? So, the blanket's in the washer for the new baby. I thought his concern was really amazing, and I also wanted to show off pictures of Patrick when he was a little babeh.

Word of the Day: corvée I've had an eventful, if sort of crappy, week. It started off when Patrick got sick last Tuesday, I believe. He went to bed with a fever and woke up a few times during the night hot and crying. I decided to sleep in his bed with him to comfort him if he needed me, and I will never do that again. He can sleep with us in our bed, but I can't sleep well in his bed. Patrick didn't act like he was sick in the morning or like he had a restless night [which he did], but I felt like crap. His fever had broken later that day, but that's when the diarrhea started, and it hasn't really stopped since then. So he's been sick all week, and I've been having to clean up poo from the floor when he doesn't make it. This Sunday, we decided to drive around Edna, our old stomping grounds, and see how much it's changed. While we were driving, my stomach started sloshing around, and I wasn't hungry at all. Even the sight of a Taco Bell [in Edna?!] didn't even excite me like it normally does. Instead, it was sort of nauseating. So I knew I had caught whatever Patrick had, presumably some sort of stomach bug. We came back home, Patrick and JD ate lunch, and I took a nap on the couch. After I had slept enough, I got up, ate Patrick's leftovers from lunch, and relocated to the chair, thinking that would help me stay awake. It didn't, and I slept some more. I felt weak when I got up to get ready for Mass, and I had to sit down while I was brushing my teeth. After some gentle convicing from JD, I decided that I was probably too sick to go to church. After that, I laid on the couch with two blankets on top of me, shivering, sleeping off and on the rest of the evening. JD felt me and said my face didn't feel hot like I had a fever, but there was definitely something wrong with me. I slept really badly that night, even after I had moved to the bedroom, and my own diarrhea started the next day. All day long on Monday, I was trying to decide if I was well enough to make it through work. I was scheduled to be in the office, so I thought that I could do a few things and leave a little early. I still felt weak because I hadn't eaten much and I was still sick, but if I was able to sit down and drink my water, I figured I'd be all right. When I got to work, however, it was a flipping disaster area. Our property system, the system that keeps everything for us as far as clean, dirty, or occupied rooms, reservations, check ins and outs, etc., had crashed Sunday morning. I don't know how it happened, but I read the report our tech guy wrote out and our system hadn't been backed up since February, and when it was, it was backed up to an off-property server, probably a Holiday Inn server. He reccomended for us to call them to see if they could send us the back up to start up our system again, and to buy more RAM for our own server. Needless to say, we didn't have our computers, and that evening was a disaster. I was at the desk helping figure things out from the time I got there until nine-thirty. I nearly fainted twice because I was left by myself at the desk [and the air conditioner still hasn't been fixed] with people trying to check in, the phone ringing constantly, and me not knowing what the hell was going on. If I were at full health, I'm sure I would have enjoyed the challenge of operating the desk manually. As it was, I felt like I was going to die, and I seriously considered just leaving before I did. I didn't, thought, leave or die, but I did have to stay later than I should have to do something for the GM. It was just awful. Thankfully, I had yesterday off so that I could rest, but I'm really dreading going back to work today. I feel much better and I was actually hungry yesterday so I've been eating, but if the system's not fixed or if there's no hope in sight, I'm going to be pissed. Like I said, yesterday I had the day off, but there really wasn't time for me to rest. I had a prenatal appointment in the morning. The nurse practitioner tried to find the baby's heartbeat and Patrick got to hold the speaker so that he'd have something to do. She couldn't find it, though, and so she ordered an ultrasound to make sure everything was all right. I was super freaked out for about five minutes, but I calmed myself down before Patrick and I met JD for lunch. Also at the appointment, I discovered that I had lost five pounds. I was like, 'Holy crap, I lost five pounds in two days?!' It's a good thing I felt much better and was able to eat yesterday. So we all ate together and I went to the hospital to have another ultrasound by myself [no kids allowed in the testing room, which is so very not fair]. They got me in pretty quickly, and there was nothing wrong with the baby. The nurse practitioner couldn't find the heartbeat either because it's still too early, or I'm too fat. Whichever one, the ultrasound showed the little heart going at it, and I also got the see the brain, arms, legs, spine, some of my own internal organs, and I got a picture of the baby's face [which looks like an alien so it's kind of creepy] and a full body shot. I'm having issues with so many ultrasounds, but having those pictures is so awesome. Another issue I'm having is with JD. A few weeks ago, my brand new cell phone just stopped working altogether. I gave JD permission to buy himself a new phone, whichever one he was lusting after, and I would commandeer his old phone for myself. I figured it'd be his birthday present from me, even if I didn't buy it myself. So, he bought himself an iPhone. I don't know why, but I really don't like anything with a little i in front of it, and generally I don't like phones that do fifty trillion things. Instead of thinking it's cool, I think it's lazy. Any road, that's not my beef. JD loves his phone, but it was a bit more expensive than my permission comfortably allowed. I let it pass, though, because it was for his birthday and I'm reluctantly all right with splurges every once in a while. Around the same time, JD started looking at road bicycles because he wanted to start exercising. He wound up going to a local bike shop and finally buying a bicycle. I can't remember how much it really was, but I remember him saying he didn't want to spend more than two hundred dollars on the bike. Now, I really don't remember if I had given my express permission for him to buy the bike, but I do remember telling him that I'm all for him getting some exercise if he feels like he should. I thought he was going to save money until he had enough for the bike and then buy it, but then all of a sudden there was a bike in the back of his truck. All I could do was roll my eyes. I just wanted to tell him, 'We're having a baby by the time the year is up, and you're spending all this money while I'm trying to keep money in my bank account and also trying to save money for rent while I'm on maternity leave?' I wanted to bonk him on the head like in the V8 commercials. Honestly, I wanted to punch his happy face. I don't know if he thought about being selfish while deciding to buy the bike or if it was an afterthought, but he did apologize for it. It still makes me angry, though, because he's had the bike for around two weeks now, I think, and he's only ridden three times. He wants me to wake him up at six in the mornings so that he can get up and ride before work, but he doesn't get up and go and I can't go back to sleep. I'm only my son's mother, so I'm not going to keep on JD or make him get up and do anything. I'm just upset that he's waking me up needlessly earlier than normal. I love my precious sleep. Perhaps I'm overreacting, but since I'm pregnant, I don't know what's really going on or what's hormones. I just react how I react. Which sucks because, as JD likes to mention, sometimes it doesn't make any sense at all, but I figure it's better to just let it happen than try to stifle anything.