Ok, so i just made this same entry on lillith, but i liked it and so i wanted to put it here. it had been a few days since i'd written there and i am really probably boring people with how much i talk about here. but... oh well. it's really rather cool going from reading an entry on this where its all red and orange and fiery to an entry on eyes2match, which is all cold and blue. the two colors both have different meanings, and its not too often that the meanings of these colors are teh good ones for me. from the font and the header picture here you can pretty much tell. Red=love, fury, anger, passion Blue=calm, love, sadness,relaxation, happiness it is kind of funny how one is fire and one is LIKE water. one could extinguish the other. tears are more powerful than fire. hey i like that... but yeah, seldom am i in love or uh... in passion...? and seldom am i calm, relaxed or happy. i was last night for about the first time in two weeks. i listened to the labyrinth soundtrack in the shower, burned myself some greenday, went into my room to label the cds and keep watching CNN at moms request to keep updates on the pope, i lit a stick of incense, and i keep my door closed at night. the smell of that incense is so powerful, yet so serene, it was goodjust to smell it, but it hung in my room and made my eyes water and lulled me to sleep. i have this sleep balm stuff i got at crackerbarrel that smells lavendar-y, so i went to bed with smokey eyes, and lavendar and "calming ocean" in my nose. I had to open my little windo once the smell was so strong. man, it was good though. i odnt think either arjay nor jordan crossed my mind at all last night as i was going to sleep. well, as i wrote in my journal obviously, but i was only half awake doing that anyway... it was really nice. even though i still had the feeling in me that i wanted to cry, something about last night just calmed me wayyy down and i just went to sleep, rather happily. i had very interesting dreams too. none of jordan or arjay or other evil people... but a strange one about a christmas party and my old cell phone, one about an earthquake, and one about a bus ride with people from school i dont usually hang out with. the earthquake one was best. even though it was a little scary, i dream movie style sometimes, so there was someone there that really loved me, and there was shattering glass all over the place. i love watching and hearing glass shatter. i think thats what makes me so sad that golden corral doesnt use glass plates. hm... strange philosophy. i think i was truly happy lastnight for once, even if just for a moment. which is strange.. because yesterday on eyes2match, i was pleading to be happy for justonce again soon. hm... perhaps there really is someone that can listen to your thoughts and prayers and help those who truly need it. wow... if that is true... i guess i needed to believe in something strong... or be loved... more than i thought.