ow. ow. ow. ow. not to mention other things.... chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:05:55 PM): hey was my phone delaying earlier or did you get off? girrl_anachronism (8:09:07 PM): hi chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:09:10 PM): hola chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:09:39 PM): how are you/ whats up? girrl_anachronism (8:09:48 PM): i remember why i dont excercise chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:09:57 PM): oh... why? girrl_anachronism (8:10:37 PM): because right now, my hamstring is pulled really really tight chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:10:46 PM): oh chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:10:48 PM): im sorry chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:11:01 PM): i rode my bike on tuesday and i got a bad cramp in my leg if it makes you feel anybetter? girrl_anachronism (8:11:08 PM): lol girrl_anachronism (8:11:45 PM): i want jordan to email me. i feel bad chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:12:00 PM): why do you feel bad? girrl_anachronism (8:12:12 PM): bcoz he is going to be all evil. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:12:59 PM): you feel bad because he is goitn to be evil? girrl_anachronism (8:13:04 PM): yes chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:13:11 PM): to email: explain pls girrl_anachronism (8:13:23 PM): huh? chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:13:43 PM): "we did more... i will probably go" chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:13:54 PM): just wondering i shared alot i probably shouldnt have girrl_anachronism (8:13:59 PM): oh thats personal... i will prolly go to pegasette chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:14:03 PM): ok girrl_anachronism (8:14:41 PM): sry chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:14:58 PM): its ok. it jsut makes me feel like a moron. last q is it more personal than what i shared or no? girrl_anachronism (8:15:09 PM): what i mean, is we did more than what you two did, but its personal and i told him i wasnt going to tell chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:15:15 PM): moron(for telling all i did) girrl_anachronism (8:15:16 PM): more personal chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:15:17 PM): oh ok girrl_anachronism (8:15:43 PM): sry chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:15:48 PM): its ok girrl_anachronism (8:16:01 PM): i think he was lying to me now though chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:16:10 PM): oh. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:16:14 PM): sorry girrl_anachronism (8:16:17 PM): meh chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:16:36 PM): i dont feel good today. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:16:40 PM): i hate it girrl_anachronism (8:17:11 PM): im sry chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:17:12 PM): boys make life hell. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:17:14 PM): girrl_anachronism (8:17:27 PM): lol chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:17:40 PM): seriously. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:18:05 PM): i have made such a freaking idiot of myself over mainly him and other guys... i really truly wish id never liked him. girrl_anachronism (8:18:23 PM): im sry girrl_anachronism (8:18:36 PM): hmm... well he seriously almost made me cry friday chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:18:39 PM): its in the past theres nothing that can be done. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:18:44 PM): what did he do yesterday? chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:18:52 PM): ihave shed too many tears for him girrl_anachronism (8:20:59 PM): he was being pissy and i said "whats wrong" he said "i dont know" i said "is it something to do with me?" he said "i dont know" and i said "should i take that as a yes" and he didnt answer. so i went to grab his hand and he just held it limply then pulled away. so i said "i dont want to know whats wrong i want to know if its my fault." he didnt say anything.t hen we were walking alone and i said "if it is me that is making you like this then im sry but i cant fix it if i dont know" then after a while he said "i dont here enough" i said "what does that mean" he said "it means what i said" and i said "i dont understand" girrl_anachronism (8:21:08 PM): (my mom wants to know how you are) chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:21:38 PM): how I am? ok... i am.... ok girrl_anachronism (8:22:50 PM): and then he scowled at me. and we kept walking and my eyes got all watery and crap. so i looked at the ground and blink and one tear fell, but i was on the verge of like the whole deal (hyperventilating and all) and he's like "are you sad now" and i said "maybe" and he put his hand on my neck and made me look at him but i pulled away and looked away. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:23:43 PM): oh girrl_anachronism (8:23:47 PM): then we were just standing in silence for a while and he said "have you ever just woken up one morning and felt soulless?" chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:23:57 PM): oh girrl_anachronism (8:24:43 PM): it realy creeped me out and i didnt say anything. he said "have you" and i said "no. i've felt worse tho" and then we were quiet. then after a while i thought things we worked out, but a little bit after that when i was leaving, i just felt like i was drowning. and so i decided to call everything off. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:25:02 PM): oh girrl_anachronism (8:26:14 PM): so i called him but he wasnt home yet, so i set out to buy the dye. he called while i was gone, so i called while i was dying jackies hair and told him (after much trouble...because i didnt want to hurt his feelings) that i wanted to start over as friends because we were just drifting apart. he said it was ok blahblah. but then later i wanted to talk to him more about it.... girrl_anachronism (8:27:12 PM): and so when he called me from his mom's, i asked "are your feelings hurt, because that wasnt my intentions you know." and he said "i dont really care. i dont get hurt anymore" so i said "i thought you love me" and he said "uh (long pause) i do" chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:27:28 PM): oh chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:27:53 PM): i really do feel bad in a way, butalso in a way i kind of dont have any sympathy and i feel bad because i dont, but i am sorry for you girrl_anachronism (8:28:11 PM): its ok. its my fault girrl_anachronism (8:28:24 PM): i didnt want to hurt him coz hes my friend chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:28:57 PM): shit.........i dont want to do this......... chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:29:04 PM): i understand. i really do... girrl_anachronism (8:29:04 PM): ? chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:29:13 PM): my eyes hurt. like tear sting and i dont know why girrl_anachronism (8:29:24 PM): ok chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:30:15 PM): he doesnt seem to understand how much he hurts people chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:30:57 PM): and ive sort of gotten the feeling that even if he did he might not care.. girrl_anachronism (8:31:06 PM): yeah i know chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:31:27 PM): i hate myself for hating him for hating myself for loving him. girrl_anachronism (8:31:30 PM): i dont know if the "uh" was coz he didnt expect me to bring it up, or because he was lying chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:31:38 PM): oh girrl_anachronism (8:31:43 PM): but yeah chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:32:31 PM): then again i dont think i ever went i thought blah blah blah......but i never got an "uh". "uhs" can be the worst thing to say to somebody.... girrl_anachronism (8:33:07 PM): yeah i know chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:33:20 PM): sorry i dont mean to make it worse girrl_anachronism (8:33:48 PM): its ok. ive been dwelling on it all since yesterday except when i was doorbell ditching and then when i was talking to matth chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:34:39 PM): n/o or anything........i've been kind of dwelling on him since november. i need to find other things to dwell on. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:34:45 PM): at least you got to see matth chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:34:49 PM): that is good girrl_anachronism (8:35:19 PM): o well. jackie pointed this out: "more cute boys in highschool that will be cute AND nice. not just "nice" like jordan" chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:35:25 PM): it was nice last night. i went to bed calm and happy for once. and nothing bad crossed my mind. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:35:26 PM): oh girrl_anachronism (8:35:33 PM): oh chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:35:33 PM): true though... girrl_anachronism (8:35:36 PM): lucky you chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:35:59 PM): eh not so much. first time for like... months... girrl_anachronism (8:36:00 PM): and to top it all off, he sends me a music video that seems VERY implicatory (if thats a word) chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:36:25 PM): it was werid because yesterday i was writing and was pleading with something/one tomake me happy. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:36:29 PM): what video? chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:36:36 PM): song... w/e? girrl_anachronism (8:36:56 PM): "Sooner or Later" Breaking Benjamin chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:37:37 PM): oh. yeah i think implicatory is a word. it was on during the music videos i was watching. i think i have it on tape. yeah it can be very implicating from him to you... girrl_anachronism (8:37:58 PM): coz it says something like regretting or something. i dono chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:38:14 PM): sooner or later your gonna hate it girrl_anachronism (8:38:20 PM): it made me feel worse bcoz i dont know if he's lying still, or was telling the truth the whole time. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:38:44 PM): i'm sorry.....but i think for you it is kind of good to be unsure girrl_anachronism (8:38:54 PM): he KNEW i wasnt his gf, and that i was still... caught up in other things chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:39:10 PM): why am i so pathetic i know you wont forget it. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:39:14 PM): yeah. but he is......weird girrl_anachronism (8:39:14 PM): i mean, hes my friend, so the lying is still bad chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:39:15 PM): in a word chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:39:40 PM): for me if he lies i cant get mad. oh what a lovely thing.... girrl_anachronism (8:39:44 PM): ew and he kissed my arm and stomach girrl_anachronism (8:39:50 PM): maybe its a routine for him chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:40:05 PM): does it make YOU dizzy to think about it? chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:40:15 PM): at least your arms and stomach arent fat fat fat like mine girrl_anachronism (8:40:23 PM): maybe not to you chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:40:29 PM): because it makes me feel like iam going to throw up. girrl_anachronism (8:40:45 PM): when he did it on friday it was like "oh my god" thats when i started thinking things... chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:40:58 PM): oh. what do you mean maybe not to you? girrl_anachronism (8:41:10 PM): maybe my arms and stomach arent fat toy ou girrl_anachronism (8:41:13 PM): they are to me chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:41:39 PM): considering general size difference between you and me.... yours arent fat girrl_anachronism (8:41:42 PM): foamy will cheer me up (hopefully)_ or put me in a rage chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:41:59 PM): you should get a french fry and stab himin the eye w/ it! girrl_anachronism (8:42:27 PM): all i want is for him to either tell me he meant it or lied girrl_anachronism (8:42:45 PM): if he lied, i will seriously make him miserable because we had an agreement chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:42:55 PM): girrl_anachronism (8:42:56 PM): (not relationship, agreement) chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:42:59 PM): ok chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:43:09 PM): hm... it must be a friday thing for him too..... girrl_anachronism (8:43:33 PM): he wasnt allowed to lie, or if he decided he didnt like me he couldnt drag it out. for me it was not to talk to everyone, not drag it out, and be honest to him girrl_anachronism (8:43:42 PM): what do you mean chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:43:49 PM): stomach/arm chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:43:51 PM): thing girrl_anachronism (8:43:52 PM): ew girrl_anachronism (8:43:59 PM): he kissed my arm first girrl_anachronism (8:44:03 PM): then my stomach chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:44:06 PM): reverse girrl_anachronism (8:44:06 PM): bare... chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:44:10 PM): yep girrl_anachronism (8:44:19 PM): your stomach was bare? chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:44:33 PM): he lifted up my shirt, then put it back down girrl_anachronism (8:44:47 PM): see? its a routine chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:45:03 PM): i cant wear my pirates shirt anymore. girrl_anachronism (8:45:04 PM): my shirt was already up, and he kissed my stomach and my shirt stayed up chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:45:08 PM): oh girrl_anachronism (8:45:34 PM): he wont talk crap about me tho. i have more on him than he has on me girrl_anachronism (8:45:41 PM): muahahahaha chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:45:58 PM): chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:46:01 PM): yeah that is good girrl_anachronism (8:46:03 PM): lol chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:46:09 PM): girrl_anachronism (8:46:13 PM): but no, he doesnt email me girrl_anachronism (8:46:16 PM): ? chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:46:30 PM): i feel sick. girrl_anachronism (8:46:33 PM): ? why chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:46:36 PM): i feel sick. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:46:39 PM): REALLY sick girrl_anachronism (8:46:44 PM): hwy girrl_anachronism (8:46:45 PM): why chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:47:05 PM): because it hurts. girrl_anachronism (8:47:15 PM): oh. im sry chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:47:23 PM): why was your shirt already up girrl_anachronism (8:47:26 PM): im used to being used/lied to girrl_anachronism (8:47:30 PM): because it was. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:47:31 PM): im sorry girrl_anachronism (8:47:35 PM): its ok chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:48:07 PM): oh was the wierd MCR video you wanted me to watch last week helena or was it different? girrl_anachronism (8:48:14 PM): helena girrl_anachronism (8:48:17 PM): its kewl chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:48:24 PM): yes.. it is very interesting. girrl_anachronism (8:48:33 PM): lol. i like it chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:48:48 PM): i missed half of it but i am taping greenday stuff now so i cant watch the rest girrl_anachronism (8:48:52 PM): oh girrl_anachronism (8:49:25 PM): i should send him implicatory things chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:49:30 PM): ok girrl_anachronism (8:49:31 PM): and write evil poems about him... chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:49:42 PM): been there done that. girrl_anachronism (8:49:43 PM): I SHOULD SEND HIM HELENA chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:49:45 PM): lol girrl_anachronism (8:49:48 PM): thats the point lol girrl_anachronism (8:50:20 PM): "whats the worst you take from every heart you break?" chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:50:22 PM): but i havent let him see them. maybe i should. except the last poem i wrote abou thim was uh.....last monday.... chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:50:25 PM): oh girrl_anachronism (8:50:54 PM): should i give him that lyrics on wednesday right before i leave? chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:51:02 PM): if you wont chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:51:04 PM): want* chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:51:40 PM): yeah the last poem doesnt exactly make sense anymore because it goes "its getting easier to hate you" girrl_anachronism (8:51:50 PM): lol chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:52:01 PM): if you want to let him dwell on it while youre gone that would be good chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:52:39 PM): Nothing The scars are fading But the pain’s still here. I write these words to stop my blade Worthless though it seems to be. The days you say were lies, Replay over and over in my mind. Why do they insist on my misery? She conceals you. Lies... I know. I try to forget. It’s getting easier to hate you. Soon the day will come when I will feel nothing at all. girrl_anachronism (8:52:47 PM): lol. yeah. because (dont tell him) im going to las vegas and wont be there on thursday... and you can just tell him im "having a hard time" if he asks where i am chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:52:57 PM): ok chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:53:20 PM): and if he does you will have buttloads of emails and missed calls prolly girrl_anachronism (8:53:28 PM): "she conceals you" is that me or something? chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:53:45 PM): yeah it kind of was. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:53:55 PM): it was before you said the might thing girrl_anachronism (8:53:59 PM): tell him "no one will answer the phone but she was on AIM really late last night" chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:54:10 PM): IF he asks me chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:54:37 PM): whats funny... is i wrote that after pegasette sitting waiting for my mom. i get inspiration at the wierdest times.... girrl_anachronism (8:55:15 PM): lol. yeah but if he asks it will be heck of funny chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:55:19 PM): yeah it will girrl_anachronism (8:55:24 PM): or you can "mention" it walking with Tasha girrl_anachronism (8:55:29 PM): really really LOUD chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:55:31 PM): I GET TO LIE! chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:55:33 PM): yeah i do that sometimes girrl_anachronism (8:55:40 PM): while he is near you too chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:56:18 PM): last week i was talking to tasha about your pins and tony and i noticed him behind me so i said "i need to convince him that he is an evil freakin jerko liar. asshole" chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:56:36 PM): because....it kind of describes them both girrl_anachronism (8:56:38 PM): lol chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:56:53 PM): i need to put poems in. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:57:13 PM): there are SO many tho....lol. i am so pathetic girrl_anachronism (8:57:26 PM): lol. im going to write some ::evil:: chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:58:02 PM): oh this kind of a stupid worthless piece of information to share.........but with all of the evil doings last week with him...... i never even once touchedmy clippers. which amazed me because i felt like shit. chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:58:15 PM): i have starters that i think iam going to finish tonight.... chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:58:35 PM): evil poems are fun to write! girrl_anachronism (8:59:09 PM): lol chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:59:18 PM): there are so many evil assholes in the world. ladoda girrl_anachronism (8:59:31 PM): other emo "you hurt me real bad" videos... chat_bac_gurl_16 (8:59:47 PM): ? girrl_anachronism (8:59:52 PM): i only sent him 2 girrl_anachronism (8:59:55 PM): i want to send lots chat_bac_gurl_16 (9:00:14 PM): i g2g tony being all bitchy.......mehehee. ttyl maybe girrl_anachronism (9:00:18 PM): bye