oh god... so lacy and hannah did this thing... for tomorrow night the ninth graders are invited to have "night games" at the school. of course, it must be boy-girl partners, and arjay wants to go, and i do too. and so in sixth, in jordan's note of the day from arjay she wrote him about them and she goes "are you going? if so and sarah goes, go with her because the flier says partners must be boy-girl and because she says she'd go w/ yo if you asked." yes and then in fourth, she called her mom on my phone and made her bring her taco bell for lunch, and so i was instructed to lie to jordan once again and tell him that i didnt know who she called and that she went poof ad deleted the # from my phone. but yes, arjay gives him his note. (he had a name tag that said chemosabe on it) and after seventh, i go out right as the bell rings, and he goes rather quickly to the doors and onto the bus, repeatedly checking his shoulder. no doubt for me or arjay.. and then as arjay and i walk by, i look up at him, and he's got his fingers against the glass like a claw(sort of how he used to claw the windows at me when we were going out), only he twists his hand, slowly and rather jerkily(like his hand was jerky not him) so... i am sort of freaked now. i think i've let arjay ruin everything i've built up with him over the last little while... and if so... he'll probably be an ass to me tomorrow and won't sign my yearbook and wont go to night games (arjay told hannah and lacy that no matter what if jordan and i both go to pair us up)and i will live my weekend in complete paranoia and then tuesday/wednesday will be hell and i won't go into summer the way i planned. goddamnit. i want... need them...EITHER of them to get on and talk to me. arjay is now. hopefully she can tell me things. ******************************************************' EDIT: someone wrote a pretty poem and i like it. I can't sleep, but I can dream. I dream in paper and ink. I think you may feel it in the pit of your stomach, every stroke of my pen leaves a scar on your insides. Does it make you sick to never know I wrote a note you'll never see? You're not interested in anything. How can you live your life without trying. Try something new, try needing me, please. I'm breathing on my own, the way I've always known. I would like to breathe for two and breathe as one with you.