It feels like it's been two years since i turned 14. it's been a fucking long "two" years. I feel like all of my life has resided where i am now. that the memories of past things are only recreations, as some have been yelled at me that they are just that. I try to think that comging here was a new start, and that's why those memories and people seem so foreign to me. But it doesn't seem right. Nothing seems right. Nothing has since... well... I don't know. September... something. I feel like I'm living someone else's life. I've done things in the last year that I swore I woudl never do, things I didn't think I COULD do. I have turned into such a bad person lately. I never thought I could be capable of hate. Not just hate but HATE. And now I find myself wishing bad things would happen to people. Horrible things. Once I wished my mom would die just so i'd have an excuse to cry and hurt. I've wished THOSE TWO dead so many times, it feels like they might be dying in my mind as it is. But I know that those things and those lies will always be there in my head. I fell... so wrong and empty, and not at all like I should. My bithday is in 9 days. And I feel like this. I need to go to Rage tomorrow and have a good time. I need to make the best of the next two weeks. It will be my only salvation until school begins. It feels like I am hiding from myself.