Things feel worse right now than they did last year... I hate it. I have a headache. She looked at my eyes today... she says there was no color in them... that they were the darkest gray she'd ever seen... I looked at them a couple minutes ago... they are nearly black... they are fucking dark.... and when i got up close i could see little tiny shafts of pale pale bluish gray... I hurts.....she threw it at my head. She put acid on my eyeshadow.... "Kloby" was nice enough to warn me about that... Mom is angry. We offered her a place to fucking stay if her father beat her. AND THIS IS HOW I AM REPAID??? Chambray said they're threatening to jump me. I want to die..... I will either way. whether I do it or not. It's scarier thinking that someday I'll be lying in a bed and I will just vanish.... It's scarier than having control of it... I'm going to take a pill... drink one of those things tomorrow if they're still any good...... There is nothign without pain. I feel daggers in my side with every step i take.... every thought is like a knife... All I ever wanted was love...... the little online dating heart on my searchbar looks like its bleeding. what a coincidence.