i know i write really long and retarded entries, and my last few have pretty much only contained IM convos. well.... i feel bad about it- and even though i definitely know my share of things.... i had to ask arjay what email he uses so i can send stuff to him- so tomorrow if she asks about it... i'll just tell her i didn't know where to send it, which inher reality, is very true. i want/miss him so bad. we are such losers. i still think she should get w/ paul again. summer is coming. depending on the state of the email situation thingy i may not have to wait until friday to let jordan know i still feel... pathetic as though it may be. god... i hate my feelings at this moment: a mixture of anger, disgust, confusion, love, happiness, contentment, guilt and pity. it really sucks. i know how to get rid of the guilt, well part ofit. but then i'd feel guilty about somethin else... for betraying arjay. and i don't want that to happen. "one day trudy came in with her new beau, jordan. jordan came from a respectable family which was very good to trudy because jordan was more than lacking in physical charms." thats a part from arjay's little story thing that she had to write for english. we sat in johnsons room laughing our asses off when sarah read it. omg. it was funny and evil and made me feel bad. but yes. i'm just a bit off in the head. so... well... ttfn. i'm getting bad about this.