So... Christmas is in 2 days. These last several years it hasn't felt anything like Christmas until Christmas is actually here. This year, I've gotten some fairly minor glimpses of it, like when the tree went up, when we were fighting with the sprinkles, but it still hasn't felt like christmas as a whole. THere is not even any snow on the ground outside right now. It's supposed to get to 51 degrees today. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. It's really hard to believe for me. I am supposed to go to the grandma's house today when tonyo gets off school... mum let me play hookey today Which is nice. Official miss of a blue day for no goddamned reason at all.. It's not even "Christ"mas anymore.. It's just mas to me. I don't believe... I truly don't. And it makes my mother sad and after yesterday in Sara's seminary class... oh my god. I just want Christmas to come so those smiles can be here. I will try my best to hide the disappointment.