I am really bored right now... so I’m basically going through my little poem diary thing and putting in what I don’t think I’ve got. Tears are mightier than fire hate is mightier than love lies are stronger than truths all proven by three little words from the mouth of a moron ***************************** its impossible to care with all the people you’ve hurt all the times you’ve lied all the scars you’ve left ***************************** crashing fists against crumbling walls of normality no individuality no life no soul to speak of wasted space, simply put longing to be loved always being hated only making it through with a word hope hope that someday the world will be right brainwashed by society told what to believe no memory of a truly lived life taken away like a toy crashing fists against those walls again fighting back forced by those who fear it 6/22/05 **************************** tearing me apart with your secrets and your lies never being honest... the pain just multiplies I hate that you betray me... I feel hated and annoyed when a problem that’s this simple was EASY to avoid rounding out jagged confessions to rid me of this woe changing what’s already been said, but I’m sure there’s more to know disguising deceit behind false friendships... what a lovely bond wrapping htem in soiled sheets, sending them somewhere beyond tearing me apart with your secrets and your lies but what you’ve never seen are the tears falling from my eyes (date unknown) **************************** Die Please you’ve hurt me more than anything... even myself I’m being selfish but I want you to hurt I want to make you pray for help to a nonexistant god but I wont give you my hand drown in your lies die please, let me be happy leave me forever... just go away die please rot in pieces don’t put it off. Just do it now do it to day do it now to get it through rid the world of your “soullessness” die please and take these scars of mine with you die please and just let me live again (date unknown) *************************** Teachings of a broken heart I’ve learned that some things can hurt you so much That the scars... the memories will linger forever what they say is true. People do crazy things when they’re in love. And I’ve got the scars to show it. Affection turns people into morons morons that don’t care about their own beings anymore. You should never say a word You never know what you have and have not “made up”. Never say “I love you” and mean it when you’re not sure if you’ve made a fair trade I’ve learned that when you’re in love, truly in love, you shouldn’t be. 4/17/05 ************************** this one is actually a set of lyrics I wrote... but its in the poem thing if you can tell I was in a BAD mood. noone ever told us this was gonna be easy something shown so stupid lies controlling life vengeance sought and taken shoe me no mercy. Take away this fucking pain tell me its okay CHORUS what have I got to do to make you understand? Why do I have to try so hard? Why do you think I can just let you go? What do I have to do to make you just see? What makes you think I just don’t care? Just tell me. Tell me please ::the blood is falling the hate is rising it shouldnt be surprising for you to see me walk away tell me what was fucked up shit help me find the truth CHORUS :::why do I put myself through this for you? Why can I not let it go? Why do I still want you like this when I want you to die? Chorus(2x) just tell me this... give me the answers I need. TELL ME ****************************** My suicide if I died tomorrow, would you shed a single tear? Would you even notice that I’m not here? Would you look back and remember? Would you even fucking care? Did I ever matter at all.. Was I ever worth a thing? Why did you do it, just lie to me like that? Why did you make yourself be my suicide? 4/29/05 ***************************** Tell me a secret Tell me a secret, I’ll tell you a lie you just don’t quite understand how much you mean how much you hurt. Ravaging a heart already.. Cutting deep into these bleeding scars I want to return the favor, but I fear you. Your words... your actions... your eyes so I stand down. I let you terrorize me. Tell me a secret, I’ll tell you a lie. Perhaps it will make me stronger. 6/22/05 **************************** its not supposed to be like this. Life was supposed to be easy. Wasn’t meant to get so complicated. Lies to protect Lies to hide thought... feeling... Love. Lies that backfire and hurt the very person they were meant to protect lies that kill and show no remorse lies that simply hurt. Nothing makes sense anymore. It never will again. Such a mess, waiting to be cleaned Demons hidden beneath the debris Its not supposed to be like this. Its not supposed to matter. 5/18/05 ******************************* Only deep enough to feel Only deep enough to bleed Only deep enough to be reminded Panicked. Trying anything to stop the blood Trying anything to keep it clean Pressure... chemicals but what I really need to do Is forget that it was all for you. What can be given to equal the tears? Equal the blood? What cna be done to really feel? What must I do to get my life and my heart back from you? 5/19/05 ******************************* shy and quiet hidden what I feel afraid to let it out afraid of humiliation so badly I want you it hurts... truly aches. I wish I could read your mind and know what you think. Longing for memories to become reality. Praying for what used to be a death grip on the past knowing I should let go, But I won’t. 6.13.05 ***************************** Summer Routine NEver thinking twice the summer sun pulls the hteat outside throbbing in the walls beggin, pleading fora playmate sun beams hammering down on the boiling pavement ice melts in seconds from cool to scorching hot stifling controling and parching a gleaming day star tires and empties. as it sets... they venture in hopelessy dry and sore sunburned to a perfect crimson the ummer routine never ends. ****************************** Chance faith and understanding needed so desperately seeking a form of emotional freedom From these beloved memories changing pivotally rocketing from one extreme to the other hearing words selectively only what we want false confidence builds doubt disappears by mistake courage is all that is lacked mournful longing seldom showed expressed in chosen words veiled by receivers black shadows covering your eeys i wish to lift it myself butterfly kisses open your eyes terrified when my chance arrives wondering if you could ever feel the same again... **************************** Lightning a bolt of lightning strikes a golden rod scraping the horizon silvery light darting through the sky terrifying cracks in this sheild of indigo stars blend into the clouds hidden by a devilish light a roar of fury shortly follows branging off throughout the heavens... lighting up the darkest places for just a moment vague, instant certainty that vanishes just asquickly a mystery to the human mind shatters in the clouds calming and shocking frightening and yet strangely poetic the lightning flashes once more and for just a moment... i see the truth **************************** I think I love you so much sometimes I want to die just so you’ll get it. Sometimes I hate you with such a passion, I want to rip your heart out. Make you bleed these tears. All I want is for you to fucking understand. Even when it seems impossible there is still hope in me. Drawn from within, My words, my thoughts, can kill. At least some days I hope. It makes no sense that how after everything I can still want you... How after all the bloodstained tears I’m still willing to try again.. Still wanting you to hold me. 6/22/05