yeah... today was really weird. assembly sucked. i hate that fucking song. I REALLY do. rest of the day was rather boring actually. i think something did go on yesterday with them... because TODAY after sixth, they didnt hold hands. after school we were supposed to stay for rehearsal but arjay and i got really bored so we went to taco bell then walked home. i feel minorly inferior. she decided we needed to go to jordans to harass him...? so she picked dandelions to give to him but she decided not to then threw them on teh ground. i had to eat my cinamon twists so it didnt look like i was saving them for anyone. coz that was what arjay said he'd assume. like when he assumed that i knew it was all just a "fling". so we went over and she called him from right outside his house and we were there for probably about an hour. she kept going to jordan and telling him to hug me. he finally did but twice he went "aren't i the last person in teh world you'd want to hug?" it was a really shitty hug. paulie was there (the teddy bear with the teddy bear teeth) and jordan gave arjay an orange crush with her aspirin. and they had a samauri stick and were hitting eachother with it. they kind of half held hands a few times and when she would go up to him in front and push him or something his arms woudl kind of go up a little, then come back down to his sides. then once she bit his cheek, then kissed it better, then licked it. it was really strange for me to be there at his house outside with the weapons and his little friends again. it seemed all to familiar. must tell arjay tomorrow. it hurts me... in a really weird way. when jordan was dragging mitch around on his foot i stepped on mitch to try and help, andjordan sort of cowered behind me... rather close. i hate this.... then mitch took my bag and arjay made me pretend to call matt. i think i did well. once arjay was tormenting him and goes i'm just fucking around w/ you jordan. and paulie goes "youre fuckING jordan" and i'm just like to myself like WHAT THE FUCK???????!!??!?!?!?! and i thought it was arjay that went you just like tow atch, but it might have been cj or jackson, but im not sure... later when arjay and i were leaving after she called matt, i went to her "so really?" she was confused so i told her what i was all ? about and she starts screaming EW EW EW. even though she said she considers him "practice" and she goes back and goes "jordan tell sarah we aren't having sex" and he goes "we aren't" so it was weird a little... the whole practice/kissing/makingout convo we had on the way to jordans house... then paulies comment... when i left she took jordan into the little feild where the pool is and was talking to him about something... then i came home. i am in an extremely strange mood... but i dont exactly know what to think of it all. when i told mom about it all, she goes "what would you do if jordan wanted you to be his girlfriend again? would you just leave it or would you be?" and i said i didnt know... and she goes "because w/ her telling him to hug you repeatedly it seems like maybe she is trying to get you two back together..." it was a weird thought. sometimes he is a real asshole, but sometimes.. i still feel... things. god... its times like this i really LOATHE my boo.. eek. arjay said she wont let him use tongue because he is sloppy. well thinking sloppy i would think.. too much tongue and alot o' slobber... but he wasnt like that with me. i hate to type this... but they were sweet and tender... yet really hot and passionate... i dunno. she claims all she will even let him do anymore is pretty much hug her (and hold her hand.)huh... things are confusing... i dont even really know what is up with them anymore. nothing seriously bad is right now.. so i dont need the safety pins or clippers. it was kind of nice to be hanging out there for a while. it WAS fun... at least i didnt have to talk to his dad. that made it better. paulie isnice. damn. orange crush is ruined for me now too. godfuckingdammit. it still seriously BOTHERS me that i care at all anymore. oh well... i have no control over my feelings anymore... but right now... things are pretty good...