School needs to start. Other thoughts need to be in my head. None of this random worthless pitiful bullshit. i am so fucking sick of thinking all day. Nothing good comes of it. When school starts... i will only sort of half think about what bothers me. all other energy will be forced into focusing on schoolwork and the misery of it all. I will not have any time to contemplate other sorts of misery. I feel... alone. (well i am right now but that's not what i mean) Yes I have my friends and lots of people are around to talk to... but just... part of me feels empty. and i dont know how to fill it. well- i have an idea. but it would never work. i cant keep trying to fix everything. you can take things away... but you cant change how people feel. It becomes frustrating to me alot. I just need to find another center.... create a new core that doesn't fucking care. I don't know how i will do this... but it needs to be done. desperately. before i do something i will regret. like let secrets out. if i fall hard again... i have a feeling that is what will happen. and i dont want it to happen. too many people will get hurt and hate other people and it will all be my fault. i just want to know what I can do to feel better. I don't know what I need... but I know there is something that i do. things are okay right now... with the exception of my lack of feeling. as far as the emotion goes really, i feel alot. i know it is all there... i just can't decipher it and it bothers me really bad. i am so mood swingy sometimes i wonder who is flipping switches in my brain. i dont understand the concept of thought. it intrigues me... and it is really funny sometimes how i think myself into a headache on the subject of thought. eh oh well. too much to do to worry about all of this. shopping to do, lists to make, school hell to prepare for. godfuckingdamnit. i just realized i'm not ready for this change at all.