"sometimes i wish i wouldnt let myself find these things out, its not like i want to see into her thoughts, i just do, when i let my guard down... i just go in and can't rip myself out until i know everything i dont WANT to know. on a certain night we hung out together, which i also believe is the last time we hung out outside of school, i found her extremely attractive and god fucking damnit i knew that this shit was in her head then, and i still thought she was... but now, its not there. i dont know why. it was just that ONE night i liked her as more than my friend, but i cannot get over that night. boohoo. im a whiny little emo bitch. i downloaded music to make my insecurities and my thoughts, no not my thoughts her thoughts out of my head." Why do I have some insane feeling that she's talking about me? And I'm scared... becasue I think the last time I wrote anything bad about her was before our little breakdown... I don't know. I don't want her to be mad at me. I don't want to lose her as a friend.. I don't want to know if it was me she's talking about. I DO want to know if it was me she's talking about. It brings it all back. I should stop going to her journal... trying to find out what's going on in her head. Because any little thing anymore Even if it isnt meant to.. even if it isnt about me... it hurts me. I'm really cold now... I want to see/talk to her. I don't konw why... Perhaps the scariest thing about what she said is... that I can't stop thinking about it either... or what she said there when we fought again. I hurt her. I don't mean to.. I really really don't. I wish she knew that.