I can't tell you how much I knew before you told me. I cant tell you how many times I pretended you stood over me and killedme... just to release the anger... the hurt. well now it is completely useless. i'm talking to gonzaleson monday. right now, you can die. everybody can die. dont think i'm going to pity you. dont think i dont feel... dont think. DONT FUCKING PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH AND LIE TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "you could have told me you hated me all this time you know. go ahead and hate me, let me disgust you, i have been as open as i could. why would i have even told you jordan and i had been doing stuff, even though i knew it would hurt you, if i didnt want you to know. yea, i knew it would hurt you, but i knew it would hurt MORE if someone else told you. well. thats basically it, because i am so tired of trying. tired of friends that try to kill themselves, or might as well. people who will lie straight to my face. its my fault, i know. i just cant care anymore. so you can write your poetry about me, and like the things you once told me were creepy and started liking after hanging with me. you can have my skin, my life, whatever you want. then you can have your beloved boyfriend back, instead of thinking im back with him. all the time. we were never together so dont be jealous. i was a toy to him, an object. he didnt CARE about me; if thats what you want, what your jealous of, then go ahead. let him do it to you, let him laugh at your shredded arm, let him hurt you and hit you and fuck with your mind, then telly ou hes changed and do it all over again. he cared about you. so dont envy me; dont hate me because you think i took what you had (because i never had or have had what you had); dont hate me because i dont treat you like the most fragile friend; dont hate me that i am completely honest. thats what friends do, even if it hurts. your poem with the ending this hurts me more, have you ever considered whats in other peoples minds when they do things that they do? i loved you. i disgust you. maybe yous houldnt tell people they are your friends, when you dont mean it in the least. because that hurts ME more than it hurts YOU. sure im a bitch, but im honest to you, because i thought we were friends. mutual, not onesided. im sorry. i wont hurt you anymore." She... she said that........ after everything she did.... she can say that to me............... maybe i'm the one that should die. i can't let mommy see. i can't let mommy know.... I feel dizzy... ......... I'm going to go take a shower.