You would think, with the person that I am, that rain would please me. Seldom does it do just that. Rain depresses me and makes me want to sleep. In a way, it calms me. It pounds on the roof and makes my head echo and I want to lie down and just... sleep.
But right now, I gues partially because there are traces of anger from the last few days, and the fact that there is thunder outside, I want to go sit on the patio and just let it rain on me. I want to melt into it.
I miss having a tree to climb and sit in when it rained. It felt like some kind of strange sanctuary. And the icicles between the garages. Something is going really wrong with me, and I don't understand it.
Not that I really ever do, but this time I see scarcely a reason for it even to.
Like I said yesterday, I'm falling behind. More often than not, when I feel like this, I bury myself in schoolwork so that I have reasons to avoid people. But now, I don't even feel inclined to do that.
I feel detached from everything. I miss my pills. They made it better. They at least made it so I could concentrate on what was going on. But I can't do that. Even if they did make me want to cry all the time. I think there are some seriously bitter tears being held back that I won't let go.
I'm going to go outside and sit in the rain now.
::I like walking in the rain because nobody can tell you're crying.::