It's getting to be that time of year where all I want is a rainy day and some hot apple cider and to sit in my bed all wrapped up in my blanket watching scary movies with the lights out and candles on. soon enough. My mouth craves that taste. That spicy heat that seems to melt my body from the inside. The kind of heat that radiates and makes me drowsy. The only thing in absence at the moment is the rain. I want it to come like it did last year. I want the rain to occupy my mind instead of memories of a year ago. Especially on october 4th, 22nd, 23rd, 29th, and november 4/5th. they need desperately to be banished. I want to curl up in my socks and bury myself inside my covers and hold my stuffed black cat close and sleep with the smoke from my candles and my incense sinking into me and making my eyelids heavy. I want that so bad. No memories of holding hands or kissing in the rain under pine trees. No bright orange shirts. No pirates shirt. No frozen pizza or popcorn. Focusing on everything that will keep my mind off of that. It hurts to think about it and wonder if I will ever possess anything like that again.