lalala.... i took pictures of the blood. i've made myself sick. been waiting for it... last night. i felt so horrible... i tossed and turned for hours before i slept, I wrote like 4 pages on my laptop... cried... took ugly pictures... talked to myself..... pretending she was there. i don't know what to do. maybe i shouldn't do anyting. i was going to sleep today. but mom is home.. it was painfully bright in my room. it felt like easter. and i couldn't sleep the bruise is warm. it makesme laugh. ha. ha. ha. today is sadies. i don't know the DC... i was actually thinking about going..... but nope. No chambray. EEEEEEEEEEW. no arjay. no reason to go.... i guess i ahve to wait until monday. she's probably at work. i want to die... hyrum sympathizes...... Why do I have to fuck up everything? I ate and watched Tv. I just spent like 2 hours making my old barbies look like gothic-y whores and took lovely pictures. this admission has opened a HUGE door to me... oh well. Not as if itmatters. Who is going to love me now? ... we were fucking in love with eachother and we didn't even know it. and now... its too late.