well so yesterday we went to the store to buy more shit for everyone har. tim was sick so his bday was cancelled. then i made the horrendously huge mistake of suggesting godfathers pizza for dinner. well mom bitched at the server for forgetting something we ordered and then told us she'd have to pay extra. so tony started yelling at mom that she embarrassed him, so the whole way home, they fought and then she fucking yelled and when we were at bangerter she said sorry if she embarrassed me too and i told her no it just scares me because i'm afraid she'll hurt us. and what she didnt understand is that we are in a car, she is distracted... i'm afraid she'll crash. its not just physical stuff or her intention. it hurts me inside... and it is fucking scary to have the person that makes you feel the safest do the screaming. so... she didnt talk to me for the rest of the night. i sat in my room and cried until 9 then i took a shower... then i sat in my room... then i asked her for a hug and i couldn't get that either.... i was so sad... i felt so horrible... that evil thought came to me again... i can't think of it... it hurts too much. and she didnt talk to us... and this morning she didnt even talk to me either. i just.... i feel so bad.... but she seems to have calmed a bit down judging from her text messages... i dont know.... i hope....