expect the worst, and you will never be disappointed.
So I did, and I can't wipe this smile off of my face.
Today has been incredibly good, and the goingson of 3:00 pm. have made my day.
It's going to take more than a mother/son disagreement to bring me down from this peak.
So... I've made Jordan two cds, and he was supposed to be burning me 10,000 fists. Last night, I offered to burn him another in exchange for see you on the other side.
He told me to go over to his house and drop off/pick up today around 3.
And I like him. Some part of me is always going to. He was the first person I could ever honestly say that I loved. So in my head there are all these scenarios flying around, and I had to remind myself not to get my hopes up.
The hopeless romantic in me is a far cry from reality. He's not going to open the door and sweep me into his arms passionately.
But somehow, my visit seemed almost better.
He answered the door and took his cds and gave me mine. I refilled my water bottle and turned to leave, saying that if he wanted more songs to IM or message them to me.
He remembered that he owed me another cd so he invited me back in to create my own from the music he has. Since it was really the only thing I could think of, I just burned We are Not Alone.
So while we waited for my cd to finish, we had a chat. about pirates and how paul got annoyed because jordan can poke holes right through the plots of movies, and how we knew certain things were going to happen. He said he was having a bad hair day. it was all frizzy. It made me laugh. I wanted to run my fingers through it.
He showed off his firework collection and we confesssed pyro secrets.
When my Cd finished and i'd labeled it, I got up to leave, and he said
good to see you,
and he gave me a hug. Nobody telling him to.
Just a hug. and he actually rested his hand on my back for a moment.
good to see you too
see? we are civil!
::laughs:: YEAH!
See ya later in the summer er... whenever
yeah. Actually you might get invited to my birthday.. not sure about it
::laugh:: and maybe I'll actually come this year. I spaced it last
yeah. its ok. It will be in a yard with crazy chickens.
::Pauses:: I love chickens
::I laugh:: alrighty then
See you later
Bye
And there was this ease... that hasn't been there for a long time.
I wish I'd had reason to stay longer. I really do.
When he hugged me, his face and lips flashed before my eyes.
I really did want to just hold onto him for forever.
I want him to request more songs.
I want another excuse to go to his house.
His mom lives in a trailor. I didn't know that.
And we're both missing our old houses.
My mind is running amok in every which way, and for some reason, I'm almost wishing that as he closed the door to me that he rested back on the stairs and sighed.
In the same manner that I did when I got home and collapsed on my bed.
I dont know... is it just a crush?
Or is it leftover love?