Well... I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'mf alling away from all of my friends. Well... the 2 of them I actually consider real friends... Being sick throws my thoughts into a little bit better perspective... Since I'm home all fucking day to think and dwell on them. I can't fucking believe she still obsesses about that. What right does she have to tell me things like that? Why the fuck would she care? We all know I have no future. That there is no point to me... to my existence anymore. So why can't we just shut the fuck up about it? I need to mail things to Natasha. I need to talk to liz I need to murder arjay I need to call/text Robyn I need to forget about Kyle I need to forget about myself. ***************************************** Home for the whole week. Doctor's wishes. Mother's wishes. Father's agreement. My wishes. My agreement. My agony. They fought and screamed at eachother today and then vanished.... alot of people have been vanishing mysteriously lately. And 2 people have suddenly reappeared. It hurts me. I still don't believe he's real. The little scabby under my wrist is not healing well. I should stop picking it. I like the blood and I can't get away long enough to make another incision. So I'm fucked. I'm sick of everyone. She got on last night talking to me via TM. Well I have to give her credit for perception. "youre being stupid and throwing away your future by falling behind in school." I mean... well... wow it took you THAT long to figure it out? That I have no future at all? Half an hour she's telling me I'm throwing my life away, that she doesn't want to see her "friend" do that to themself, that peoplemiss me and ask about me, that I have thigns "going". And that she doesn't know what more she can do anymore... She doesn't know whether to sit back and watch me ruin everything, disassociate herself or try to help. Big fucking whaaa. SHe thinks it's all because of him again. "Just wondering if something's wrong because usually you miss school when you're upset. You'r emissing alot of important work so maybe you want to come to school but I'm not gonna tell you what to do." IF you think you're my friend, that you're doing me some kind of favor... benefiting me... you are wrong. All you succeed in doing is making me hate school even more and want to fall further behind and never come again. I have no future. There is nothing left to live for anymore. I am alone. Nobody understands anymore...