why can't i just give up? why do i have to care at all? she thinks i want nothing to do with her. she thinks i don't recognize her. i do. i'm just terrified of things becoming what they were before. i'm terrified of these feelings. i don't want to hurt her or myself anymore. that's what i've been trying to do so hard these last 4 fucking weeks. truth hurts... and i know/knew that. but it doesn't matter now. because nothing will be the same ever. and there is nothing. not really. i don't know what... to do. i'm not the one who wanted to change my classes. with the way things were going, i figured i was unwanted, and then they all went and decided that it was schedule change for me. and so now.... i have abandoned everything but in a way not really. i don't know what to do i feel like i've fallen backwards and off of this mountain thing i've been on... and i thought she was flipping me off. she didn't look excited? and she went crazy? oh god what have i done? and why do i care? i thought i had shut it off. oh well.... i don't know what to say to her atall. since i have no classes with her, i dont know when i can say anything to her. and... just godfuckingdamnit.. i did love her... i thought there was no hope in it. if she did love me, she never acted on it. oh my god. how do i tell her why i'm crying?