Well i juss got home from being with stephanie dan n my baby fer the past day to night :) yea.. i got to stephanies n we waited fer dan n tony to get done working so we can see our sexy boyz:) Tonys hot when he has no shirt on n hes all sweaty from work;) then we chilled n stuff..n my allergies were acting up from stephs cat ooo boyyy...wow..asthma! ugh! wow..i couldnt breath @ all...i was shaking wicked bad n gasping fer one big breath. i was so scared...uasally im like"itll pas by dont worry" but this time was wow. Tony was really upset too. he was so scared for me. he acually showed it. i mean..i felt really bad that i was scaring him n the other ppl around us but like..i acually felt more comfterable that he was there with me holding..calling me baby n tellin me it was ganna be alright. when we were laying in dans bed n i looked @ him n i was like...i love you n hes like i love you too..n 15 seconds later..i whiserd in his ear..*forever*..thats the first time i ever said that..i didnt believe in it.. but after i got over that.. we were all chillin with this kid tim kinney er somthing n thats when shit got bad :( i cought tony in a lie for the first time. it wasnt the fact that he lied to me..i mean..the lie was kinda small but still..i was lied to all the time n i pormised myself never to let any other guy feed me lies n here i was letting him do it to me. I kept telling him i thought he was different n when i looked into his eyes i saw somthing specail n now hes just another guy. i guess i should get used to it..guys hurt girls n thats the way it goes right? my worst fear is that tony will become sotmhing like.."him"..ugh. i couldnt take that. i tried to walk away from tony a million times n just take a walk by myself but he kept saying no dont leave me. but finally i looked @ him n was like i love you n walked away. i kept walking and it took @ all the power in the world to just look back n just keep walking. i had to be by the creek..that was the place when he first told me he loved me. so i sat down n balled my eyes out until stephanie came. we talked alittle bit n she just kept saying that he really IS differnt..maybe not differtent from ALL guys but sure is hell different from dustin..the difference between tony n dustin is that tony learns from his mistakes n hurts when i hurt..dustin doesnt give a shit. I found later that night that tony was about to cry er somthing n we attepmted to go get me n he just let me walk away n hugged dan n cryed. ugh. why did i do that? but anyways.. so i started walking back to where tony was n i saw him with his head in his arms against the fence n i broke down again. dan was hugging him. i felt like shit. seeing the one im most inlove with hurt, hurts me just as much. So i went over to him n i was like baby its ok. in i put my arms around him n he put his around me and we both just cried..cried like we never cried b4. Stephanie was sad just looking @ us. tony kept telling me how inlove with me he was n how he would never lie to me again n he would never let me get away no matter how hard i tryed n how much he needed me in his life n how i get his way from everything..and if anything was going on or w.e he would tell me n never keep shit from me agian. I have never seen tony so upset. im not syaing i was glad he was crying but like..it just shows me he accaully cares about me n cares if hes with me or not. he said if he has to cry while hes with me its worth it. god..hes the sweetest kid i have ever came across in my life. no matter what..h ewill always be different to me. but anyways.. everytime i kissed him i felt like i was ganna cry. looking @ his face tore me apart. i love him more then anything in the world n seeing him like that kills me. we just held eachother for along time. then stephanie n dan came back like 20 mins later n was like you guys alright n im like i hope so n tony held me tighter. we both got up from the ground n i hugged stephanie n thanked her for being there n tony hugged dan n did the same. then tony started to walk away to his house to chnage n i was like starting to cry again so i ran to him n turned around n held me agian. so we walked to his house n i waited outside for him to change n while he was insdide.. i juss prayed..prayed about everything. n when he got back out i was still crying..this time was becuase i felt so shitty that i was making him cry. he doesnt need someone in his life that makes him cry. i was like.."tony..look what im doing, im tearing you apart" n hes like.."no..you put me back together..your the only this i got in my life" i just held him so tight n never wanted to let go. i love him so much..so so so much. words dont explain what i feel for him. ugh. so we started walking again n we got to dans house n this was about 10pm. so dan had to leave. i hugged him the longest hug n was like.."thank you so much dan i love you"..n hes like "ur welcome britt i love you 2" dans such a great friend..to me n to tony. tony hugged him to n said thanks. then we walked back to stephanies. we chilled in her room etill about 11 n talked about how much we love eachother. he makes me smile..hes the only thing i get up for..hes the only thing i wanna get up for. ugh. i cant lose him. being with him n dustin @ the same time made me realize how inlove i was with tony n how much i need him. i know tony feels the same way for me n thats such a great feeling knowing ur loved in return..ugh! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! ...i thought i wouldnt be able to look @ him the same though..vuz i thought my tony james would never lie to me n we were perfect in every way as a couple..but i dont feel that way. i mean yea he lied..but hes still differnt..he learned his lesson n i know he will never lie to me agian. he loves me to much to ever lie to me agian. he doesnt wanna be like "him"..so yea. I Love him sooooo much!!!!!!!!!!! i went to bed @ like 130 n woke up n talked to my mom. :/ yea..she was like be prepared to get grinded by dad so thats great..but ne ways..tony came over agian.:) we chilled..had a good time. n he was like..i walked around fer a while b4 i went home last night n thought about how i hurt you n how good a freidn dan is..i was late getting home. im like awww..its ok. i didnt really know what to say. i asked him if he wished he had a brother n he was like..i do..hes in the next room right now. (meaning dan)..n i jussed hugged him. hes so cute. i hope tony doesnt think hes alone. me dan n steph are ALWAYS here for him through ANYTHING n EVERYTHING. we all love him in different ways. well we went to chill @ dans fer a while n then me n tony took a walk n my dad pulled up like 20 mins early..so i waas like ehh:/..kissed tony good bye n told eacther that we love eachother so much...i got in the car n it was COMPLETLY silent the WHOLE way home..no radio er talking..NOTHING!!! i sneezed once n he said bless you. THATS ALL..so that was alittle awkward. so yea..hes not talking to my mom right now either so w.e..dont care? well my fingers are really tierd from typing this n this is getting WAY to long lol..this is my longest one ever i think. lol.. ..Tony, you mean averytthing to me n i never wanna lose you. im so inlove with you..i promise..i will tell you everything n keep nothing from you if you do the same. you have all my love baby..n always will. the sun always shines- ...when im with *you* o yea..5 months ago today dustin broke up with me..juss though id share that.