im really starting to feel different. i feel like im losing some friends. stephanie and kristy are always there. i know that. maybe a littles changed between us but i know im not losing them. Im still good friends with Ashley even though we dont hang out much anymore. she can always make me laugh n im always here for her. Melissa..yeah. shes getting farther and farther away from me. seems like all we do is fight or were not talking. its way different. the summer was great with her but now she has new friends n shits just changed. I lost kaila because of some cunt muncher who im not going to name. Kaila was like my sister n i told her everything. i know i havnt brought her up in along time n you thought it was over but i think about what shes been doing this whole time we havnt talked everyday. i remeber the last time i saw her n how much a of a shitty time i was having. but still. i wish things were the same again. Shit with my parents is fucked up. im trying to act mature about it and not to care but i really do. when i was sick i was laying on the couch n my mom brought me some soup n sat next to me n felt my head for a temp. i started thinking about when my dad was sick. she would do the same thing to him but just cuddle more. n i started thinking about all our family vacations n how i lost them all. ill never have a family vacation again. Ashley started talking about how fun hers are n i got shitty n started saying some shit about how schools more important n i dont wanna go on one. yeah bullshit. i should have realized that i had a good family n had fun even though we all didnt get along all the time. My mom has gary now n shes so in love with him just as much as hes in love with her. My dad has Sherry now. i know he cares about her alot. maybe love and i know she feels the same. i like gary n sherry..they're nice and all but sometimes i would die just to see my mom n dad go back to normal again but i know it would never work. I dont talk about this stuff much any more. not even to tony. i feel like im being annoying or over dramatic about shit so i just felt the need to start expressing it in my journal. i cant chnage the fact that my parents are getting a divorce or the fact that they are moving on with ppl new but i sometimes i wish i could. I also need my friends. i may not have showed it alot but the fact of the matter is i really do. they get me by when times get tough. they are always here for me like im always here for them. i hope they know that. well im out this has been a very depressing entry for me.