well woke up kinda late. argued with my mom about tony coming over today. she made me feel like shit by saying my grades have never been good. guess who ended up losing the fight and riding the bus to school crying? yup. you guessed it. got to school n cryed into tonys arms. i didnt shower today or anything either. i just didnt have enough time after the fight with my mom. i had swimming 3rd period anyways n i shower after the pool so it was all good. but yeah..i felt like shit. some cuz i was grounded, the shit my mom said to me and my grades dont help either. i ended up swimming for the 1st time today. it wasnt as bad as i made it out to be but i still hate swimming. getting into the pool while everyone was wacthing me was a nightmare though. i hate it. i swam alright. i didnt stop or anything. my legs burned from my exgsyma though. it stung wicked bad. it bled:( got out n took a shower. thanks girls..for making me feel more confident in myself. means alot to me. went to tonys locker. sat with him for a minute. he was glad i swam. it was a big thing for me. i hate it. went through the rest of the day. stayed after for frustrating test corrections in math. ugh. i hate school. i was already in a bad mood over everything n i could have cried right in the math office. im sure ppl have days where they could just cry about everything am i right?! got on the bus n tony started being all cute n syahing our inside jokes n i got all teary eyed again cuz i knew i was ganna be grounded. yeah. crying sucks sometimes. tony got alittle teary eyed just from watching me. felt bad after. i always do. rode the bus home in tears sitting alone, being quite just starring out my window. got home n went to my hair cut app. i got it layered alittle bit n just a trim. doent look much different. just alittle shorter cuz my ends needed to die cuz they're a peice of shit=) came back home n talked to tony online the rest of the day. didnt really talk to my mom. Gary was here last i knew which he prolly still is. he annoyed me about pizza today. this is getting really sad. why cant shit just go back to normal. im having a shitty time with dealing with all this. tony called me around 9 n talked to me on the phone for an hour until he had to go home. one thing that made me laugh was that Dani was outside waiing for tony. haha it was funny. hes like umm whats up? n walked away to find dustin tim n ian. then he got off the phone with me to go home. now im sitting here really sad by this music im listening to as you see what it is up above. knowing my mom is upstairs right now..kissing a man thats deffinetly not my dad brings me to tears. i wish that they could be in love again n look at eachother in the same way. but i dont want them to try to do that for me. i know it wouldnt work out for a fact. they are both happy now. i just need to deal with everything..i just dont know how yet. n yeah..i do know i make my life tougher than it really is. im just a big fucking baby.