Well went to school. started out alright. Had something gay with tony @ lunch. it was all my fault for even saying dumb shit that would never ever fucking happen. Tony loves me, only me, always me, forever me. He told me while i was crying that he loves me more then anything n he would love me n only me forever. when he left i was not crying anymore, but when i got to studyhall n steph asked me what was wrong so i started telling her n i was crying again. I just kept saying that im pushing tony away n im ganna lose him over this stupid shit i keep pulling. i couldnt help saying all that shit though. Its hard not to think negative when you feel shitty. Tonys the most important thing in my life. ever. i love him so much. its just not fucking explainable. god..i would give my life up just for him to not feel one more ounce of pain. Hes such a good kid n deserves all the happyness in the world. So yea..my pics were the period after that so my face was alittle red from crying but i still think they came out good. so i had those done. then tony came back. from boces @ the end of the day n i was feeling SO much better. we hugged n kissed for a while. we ended up staying after to take the activity bus home cuz it was pouring rain n we didnt wanna walk. We got to my house n hung out on the deck alittle bit. some gay shit happened there too. i fucking hate when i say things that are dumb. he doesnt get mad @ me or anything..he just has that one attitude where he acts like he doesnt give a shit. i hate that n it makes me feel shitty. Then that was all over with in like 10 mins. then my dad came over so we went inside fer alittle n had some tickle fights:) i love those. they are so cute. i laugh so hard n so loud. i cant help it though. i almost pissed myself once:-x Then we went out to dinner. We went to Tonys resurant. all time favorite place. just love it:) when we got there me, tony n my brother were talking n all the sudden my brother calls me fat. that hurt my feelings wicked bad. of course tony stuck up for me i mean, why wouldnt he, hes my boyfriend. zack said he was juts kidding but w.e. it hurt more coming from him cuz hes family. but yea..tony made me feel better after me being shitty for 15 mins about it. things about my looks or antyhing just get to me WICKEd easy. had a good dinner. lots of leftovers. then my mom took us to video king. i got in such a shitty mood. like really bad. Tony n zack just wouldnt quit on making fun of me for everything. pimples, walking away from them, "yelling @ them" i know they were just kidding but it made me feel like shit. so i walked away. then i saw tony leave the store so i went out with him. hes like whyd you walk away? you do that all the time. im lie i know..i dont know how to handle it. so thats what i do. some of it is cuz i want him to just come get me n show he cares but others its not. but then i started to get teary eyed. like i felt it n if i blinked it would all come out. so i walked away. i went into the puring rain n walked all around the pricechopper parking lot until i stopped. when i was turning the corner to get back to tony i saw my mom there i guess they were all looking for me!? but then i started walking torweds him, when i finally got to him i threw my arms around him n just cried. he didnt even move though. not even a pat on the back. so i was like..are you mad @ me. he goes, yea alittle why did you walk away? have a good cry? im like..i dont want you to see me cry anymore. i hate crying n you see enough of my stupid bullshit. hes like well i wanna be there for you. i would rather have you cry in my arms then walk away from me n go through it alone. my makeup was running wicked bad. i couldnt help the tears from just rolling down. they just kept coming. idk..i just had so much shit on my minde it all just came out. He told me that everything was ganna be ok n he wasnt mad anymore. i guess he was though. but i cried alot of the way home. not bad..just tears here n there. we kept telling eachother that we loved eachother n stuff. made me cry alittle more. not bad tears though. when we got home i got a disturbing call from ashley. then i went down stairs with tony. talked somemore about it. i really started balling downstairs. i was telling him like everything. how i felt, how much i love him, everything. the onl reason im like this with him, n so jealous is cuz im so inlove with him n so scared of losing his love in return. tony is my whole life. if i lost him i would die. but then all the sudden, there was this break through. we were laughing. i dont even remember why. it was just, wow. n everything was perfect from then on. laughing, more tickle fights, talking about good stuff, kissing, hugging. all that great shit. idk..it turned out to be an awesome night. SO much better then the day. soooo much better. then he got picked up @ quarter after 11. :( i didnt want him to leave. i was sad. my moms picking him up @ 1030am tomarrow though. then were ganna go to some places with my little cousin for his birthday n chill @ my house for the rest of the day im guessing?! till 11?! idk. but w.e i get to see him again. i cant see him on sunday though. he has to do somthing for his grandma. what a good kid 0:-) Melissas @ the show right now @ the skate park. hope she has a good time..but not too god melissa!! but anyways im sitting here alone with no one to talk to n thoughts of tony running through my brain. Tony..no one could EVER could compare to you. you are my only one. i dont look or see anyone else. theres so much stuff about you, to even think about anyone else. Your everything in the world to me and more. my life with out you would be dead. a love this strong doesnt even get the chance to die. i have never felt this feeling inside me before. tony..im so deeply inlove with you.