11:48 PM Basement PE shorts and "I (heart) NY" t-shirt SO DAMNED AWAKE I wish I had a pair of wings to fly away on. If I could fly, I would go to a safe place in the stars where nothing bad happened. I wouldnt have to worry about anything then. Kinda depressed right now. So many things I wish I did or didnt do. I wish I could go back and wash away all of my mistakes. Then I would be free again. I drew an angel in my late night boredom. She is a black angel, with big white wings and a loose white robe. She is carrying a girl to heaven. She glows in the dark. I like her. My mother isnt mad at me, even though she seemed like it earlier on. She just needed some time to herself I guess. She came in and talked to me for awhile, and watched me draw the angel. The girl was crying. Sometimes I like to sit outside and watch the moon. Its so big, so shiny. I want to be her friend. It must look funny to some people, a little girl sitting out on her front lawn in her PJ's. Some days I feel like dieing. If I was God, then no one would be sad. Oh wait... I am god... dammit. I heart make beleive. I missed him, I hadnt seen him in a while. We arent friends. Maybe I can make friends. He gets obsessive, I saw him the other night. I shouldnt do some of the things that I do. I hate him, he used to be cool. Now he should die. He doesnt know I exist. Maybe I should introduce myself. So many random thoughts. All boys, boys that make me feel ok for awhile. Everyone thinks I am a cheerful person. I can be cheerful, but only on the outside. I giggle and laugh with the rest of them, but they dont know. I guess now they will. I told him things he shouldnt know. He thinks I am a bad kid. I hope he will like me. I just want people to like me. I guess I will go now, and live my small life. Tommorow I have to go to band. Damn. I wish I had enough guts to quit. I am a freak. In the name of hollie