Its been kind of a bad week. Dont dismiss my feelings. Yes, how I am acting could very well be reminiscent of a 12 year old girl, but thats how I feel. Let me get it out of my system. Let me feel how I feel. I dont hate you, but I want to. I want to hate everything about you. I want to hate you because everything is easy for you. Everything always has been easy for you. I hate you because you get everything I've always wanted and possibly never will get. I hate you because you dont know that I hate you, because you wouldnt care if you did know. But I cant hate you because you are my sister. Whats that star wars line? Fear leads to anger which leads to hate? Something like that. Hate runs through me, I constantly have to remind myself to reign it like one would reign in an unruly horse. Chomping at the bit, I barely have enough will power to hold it back. I'm trying to hold it back. I've done all the normal things to get my mind off it. I've gotten drunk, I've slept alot, I've tried distracting myself with video games or the tv. Something always brings it back up again. I dont want to dwell, I dont want to care. Why do I have to care when you dont give a shit about anything but yourself? I hate you. I hate you. I dont care if I'm being unreasonable. Let me feel. Thats the only thing I can do better than you. I can feel. Dont take that away from me.