I miss him so much. I keep telling the void this. I do, I really do. I havent missed anyone this much in my entire life, except maybe my mom. My missing him is a combination of physical longing and emotional needing. He listens to me, he understands better than anyone else in this world. I miss him. Not only am I missing him, but I am missing out on alot of fun that I could be having right now. Instead I am stuck at home. My father says mean things to me. I cry, I hide in my closet and sleep untill he is gone. No one ever makes me feel worse about myself. I dont think he realizes it. I will meet you somewhere. We can... talk. I will tell my parents that I am going to buy something at the store, and just ride the bus. I dont think I am grounded from that. The bus goes to Logan, we could meet. Dont tell him, he thinks that he is my only. He wouldnt like me anymore if he found out about us. Yes, there have been others besides him, you included. It doesnt make me not miss him any less. Ate yogurt and salad today. I guess thats better. Reading Queen of the Damned. Love it. Laying on soft, warm sand. The sun sends its hot rays down. The water beats softly on the beach. Skin feels hot and oily. The clouds are driven away by the salty breeze. All alone in your bliss. My little brother is listening to indians chanting to the beat of techno music. What is this world coming to. So late, not tired. My body has a weird internal clock. Sleep untill twelve, stay awake untill two, take a nap untill five, stay up untill three, sleep untill twelve... Not tommorow, I have to wake up at seven for band. I dont know about you. You say you want to love me, you say that you want to be with me again. You lie to me. Rubbing alcahol is fun to burn... Anything is fun to burn. My useless heart beats slowly My over used body is tired My mind drifts into bad dreams that are to sensuous and to happy to be real. I am so addicted. To feel your body pressed against anothers, Anothers that is so much bigger than yours. To be drawn to each other, drawn by physical attraction alone. You want to be wanted. Neck so soft and willing, you need to taste it. Face slighty stubbly, you like the scratchy feel. Mouths synchronized, both knowing, wanting, to touch. I am addicted to the feeling. So have weird addictions. I cant help it. Only a few thoughts have been on my mind lately. Nothing to intresting or life changing. Thinking right now leads me to think about things I miss, and want. Three more weeks and I can leave again. Three more weeks of hell. Dammit. Fuck the world. In the name of the obsession