"What sweet sedutcion lies before us..." None. Damn. I crave to make out. Crave it passionatly. I love my little brother sometimes, he can be so sweet. Today I learned about cults at the library. Satanists think that terror brings the spirit of satan into them, so they torture people. They know its easy to scare kids, so they torture kids. They practice ritualistic animal sacrifice, rape, and human slaughter. Satan worship didnt start untill Christianity did, good brings evil. The world frightens me. I am going on a trip on Thursday. A religious trip. I will be back Friday evening. I am excited to get out of the house and do something other than band. They grew up with me, I knew them since I was four. They are my best friends, we hung out alot before I got grounded. They are coming on the trip with me. I need him, I need him so much. I need to feel his arms around me again. I need to smell his spicy skin. I need to taste him again. Does he need me as much I need him? Last night I took a bath. It was late, no one was awake. I lit the candles that sit around the tub. The room was steamy. I turned off the lights and washed with soap that smells like white tea and ginger. I watched the golden candle light reflect and flicker on my wet skin. I felt like a goddess, like a regal queen, I felt like an angel. I wish I always felt beautiful. Had a dream last night, I had to save my friends from the dark. The dark had a voice, it was deep. I was the only one who had light. I fought the dark with my light. The dark surrounded us. I woke up. I want to be close to alot of people at once. I them all to love me and kiss me and scare away the bad things for me. I dont want any of them to love anyone but me. I am selfish that way. Its good that they dont know. Drew a hand today. The hand was old. It had soft wrinkles and you could see the blue and purple bloodveins. The hand belonged to an old person. The hand had scars on it. I wonder how it got the scars. My mother loves me. I like it when she acts like she loves me. I love to be loved. he hates me now, he know what I did. I told him I didnt want to talk to him again. He hates me. I want to be seduced and seductive. I want to go out tonight. I want to meet new people and grow closer to them. in the name of the fatness