Sometimes in the morning I will open my eyes just as the sun rising. Its white light will blind me and I will usually roll over and cover my head in my blankets. But every once in awhile I will just lay there, let the sun cover me, give in to it. When you dont have enough will power. I'll stare up at your sillouhette. Lying face up on the mattress, looking up at you covering me with kisses. I will be in the moment one second, and the next I will be miles away. Its nothing you do, sometimes my brain will just shut everything out, good and bad. The light on your ceiling blinds me like the sun does in the morning. It was so warm in your room last night, I felt like a big lazy cat. I wanted to curl up and sleep in your blankets forever. Its cold in my room, its all you can do most days to just get out of your heat bubble and face the world. Sometimes I feel like an empty shell of a person who doesnt know who she is. A husk that drifts around in the wind. I have betrayed every person I have ever loved in one form or another. Almost never a big betrayel, but still the same. I dont know why I do that. The people who love me the most get over it, learn to put up with all of my shit. The people who dont save themselves. Its not a fair choice to put on people. There is snow covering everything. It makes me feel isolated. My mother is the kind of person who needs to be loved, and recognized. I know alot of people like that. The people who have to be complimented or they go postal. And sometimes not even complimented, sometimes these people just want to be commented on, negative or postive attention, it doesnt matter. They need recognition. I know I have talked about this before, but it is frustrating when the parent child roles switch. I take care of my mother more that I have taken care of anything else in my life. On the inside she is lonely, she craves recognition, she craves to be noticed. You have to nurture these kinds of people patiently, if you love them you need to try and understand them, make them feel as loved and needed as possible. My dad on the other hand is harder to understand. Maybe because I havent really ever tried to understand him. Sometimes I dont think he deserves it. I miss my best friend. As much as I hate to admit it I need people like her. I need the light words and comforting smiles. I need her to make jokes at me to make me smile. I need her simple yet so sincere love so much. I need that soft, uncorrupt friendship. She makes me a whole person. She is still there, I see her everyday, but she isnt the same. Nothing is the same now.