I wonder why my mom talks so much, she she feels the need to tell me what she already has told me. I think she might just want to fill up that space, distract her brain. I think she is a little bit of a masochist, she never takes care of her pain. Its always "oh my head hurts so bad" or "oh I am in pain in this way", but then she keeps on doing things like normal. Then I wonder if she really has a choice. Then I wonder why she wouldnt. I truly believe that if I randomly found a loaded gun right now I would be very very tempted to blow my brains out. But I might not. I really would depend I guess. This is the worst time of the year. Mid-winter. I absolutly hate it. Its not gonna get warm till about may... I dunno if I can stay remotly sane that long. But I will try honey, I promise. And I want you to be ok too. We will keep each other sane. I dont want to do school anymore. Nope, I really dont. I went to the mall to try and find pants that fit me... and... it didnt happen. My legs are to long to fit in the short catergory, and not long enough to pull of the long catergory. Also I have child bearing hips... which makes things a little bit more difficult. So I decided... I am never wearing pants again.