This has probobly been the best day of my life. I woke up with a beautiful headache. Oh baby, it was a good one. The best thing to have first thing in the morning. I think it had something to do with the sleep drugs I took the night before. Then I went to school, told tyson to fuck himself after he decided it was a good idea to call me a bitch, and went to class... which is was great. I just love class. Then I went to second hour, where my best buddies are, and even the people that I cant really stand are there too! I sluffed third hour, and ended up talking with a friend, which would have been ok if we hadnt of taken that extremly painful trip down memory lane. I get to remember all the times I fucked up and all the people I made unhappy. That made me unhappy. At lunch I got hugged, kissed, and then abandoned with no real answers or explanations of anything. THEN one of my friends told him alot of stuff... that I guess I wanted him to know, and I tried to tell him alot of times, but he never really had the time for me. Never really has the time for me. I GIVE WHATEVER YOU WANT AND YOU DONT HAVE TIME FOR ME. Anyways, he told him stuff, and the kid didnt even react, leaving me to believe that he doesnt care about ANYTHING. And then another one of my friends said stuff that I now get to explain because I made another friend angry/sad/upset/whatever emotion it is because I dont really understand him. I hate dissapointing people, and I hate him being dissapointed. Then I came home, and got to fight with my dad, who is going to tell my mom, who is going to be dissapointed and not let me hear the end of it. So... tears were held in on the drive home. You are right jeremy, I am fake. I put on a mask. I hide. I dont want to face up to anything because I really cant handle it. I cant handle anything. I think I can, I pretend I can, but when it comes right down to the bare bones of a situation I cant. I lead a pathetic useless life. Whenever have I ever really HELPED anyone? When have I ever really done something positive? What kind of a person am I? If this is what I am going to be for the rest of my life then it might as well end now. But thats another cop out. Another way to hide. I dont know what I am doing wrong, but there must be something. I want to know when I can stop crying, and when I can stop complaining, and when I can just stop. When can I be a better person? How? ... I dont know how. ... Why do I still want this? I thought this was going to better. I thought it was going to be nice. Why do I still try when nothing good comes of it? blah blah, whine whine whine, woe is me, life is horrible. Thats what I am. I dont know what to do.