I guess I am not allowed to have an opinion. I guess I am not allowed to have different feelings. So what if I am different? Everyone is different. If everyone is different then no one is. Oops, did I scare you? where you afraid? Am I not allowed to be a little sad? DONT WORRY I have every fucking thing under control. Do you want me to write about happy I am all the time, how good I am feeling and how my life is going JUST fine? Do you want me to lie just you dont worry? Just dont worry, there is nothing to worry about. Fine, I will lie. Today I drew a picture of a happy little elf who lived in the woods with all of his happy animal friends. He like daffodils and the sunshine and everything that is happy. He never died, and lived happily ever after. The end. I am just fucking kidding. I didnt draw a fucking picture of a fucking elf in the fucking woods with all of his fucking animal friends. Go fuck yourself. Dammit. I drew a picture of a person who was going to drown. The person (it doesnt have a sex) was trying to keeps its head above the water, but the waves that where big and black where going to suck it under anyway. The person should stop trying, because there is no hope for it. I like listening to this. It is russian opera, and very calm. I like how all of the voices meld together to create one big voice. Its beautiful. I went to band today. I hate band. Fuck band. Now my shoulders and back hurt. Everyone hates me there anyway, so whats the point of going? Self inflicted torture. I hate not quitting. I am trying to get through The Vampire Chronicles. I have read Interveiw With A Vampire, and The Vampire Lestat. Now I am going to read about the vampire Pandora. She is old, the first vampire made by Marius. He likes those books, he is the one who told me to read them. He claims that he is Lestat. I laugh. He is tall, blonde, and handsom. He could be Lestat. I want to be a vampire. Make me a vampire. He still doesnt know I have feelings for him. He still doesnt know who I am. I need to gain the courage to introduce myself. He hasnt talked to me in a long time. I wonder if he remembers me. I wonder if he remembers the fun we had. I wonder if he remembers my kisses. I remember his. She came to visit me yesterday. I couldnt play, I am grounded. I wanted to play. She is better from her surgery. I might see her tommorow. They are worried. Damn. Dont be worried. I can handle it. I dont need your help. I dont need you. Stop. Fuck. Sometimes I wish I had a deadly disease. I wish that my death date was set. Then I could live each day as if I was going to die. What would I do differently? I drew a cat today. The cat was very pretty. The cat had green eyes and was white. The cats tail was going to be fluffy. The cats tail had thorns. The thorns had blood dripping off of them. Maybe the cat killed something. The cats tail faded from white to black. The very end was black. The thorns where shades of grey. I am grounded. What the fuck am I doing writing to the fucking internet void? Does the void care? I think not. Go die internet void. I dont know why I like you. Tommorow I am going to go to church. They say God loves me. That doesnt work out. I am god. I dont love me. Maybe my demi-god Jesus loves me. I will see. I leave this message in a virtual bottle. I set it free on a electronic sea. Maybe it will meet with other bottles with messages. Maybe they will make friends. I like friends. In the name of the happy, cheery, non-bad-feeling, normal, regular, little girl. Fuck the elves.