"So... I dont know how to explain this exactly... I have several opportunities for relationships with things that I am looking for waiting for me... things like commitment... things I know youre just ever so fond of... I would like to take advantage of these opportunities (I even thought about what you said about how you had expected me to have done things with other girls...) but I'm afraid that when there is a commitment involved I cant be having any... "friends with benefits" off to the side... I have already expressed to you my complete willingness to be with you... but I guess I was wrong when I said that I could get used to being just one of the guys in your life... So even though I think I already know what you will choose... once again I will give you the choice... decide if you care enough about me to stay with me... or we should just pursue other options... I still care about you. And I wish this could be easier... but Im not capable of dealing with the type of 'relationship' you want." That is what he said. That is why I cried. I do care. I dont want to give up my...values... just so he can have the boyfriend label. No. But I dont want him to go. God I dont want him to. After I got the e-mail, I called three of my friends. One said "I will talk to him later." The other one said "Stay with him." The last one gave me many different scenarios of what might happen, and we decided that I should tell him that I want to see other people. I cried. But... I guess there are always other people. I can always find someone better. I dont know. I got online tonight, and before I could even say "How are you" they said "So he made you cry?" and "I heard that he made you cry" and "Dont worry, me and my buddies are going to jump him after school tommorow... I promise to give you a finger or something..." It made me feel better, but also worse. I only told those three people... and then it got out. Oh well... it was bound to happen... everyone would have found out sometime. I sent him back an e-mail, after I got done talking to his friends. "Fine, ok, if that is how you feel then I am not going to make you stay. I care about you, but I guess it is time for us to think about other people. I am not going to guilt you into a serious relationship or make you stay with me using threats. It did make me a little sad to read that e-mail, I thought we had worked things out, but, I guess thinking was never my strong point. I still love you." And I cried. Stupid emotions. Stupid hormones. Stupid me. Yes, my new name, Dumb Ass Hollie. I dont want to cry over him. I dont want to cry. I dont want to think about it. Lets think about something else. I sluffed fourth hour today. I skipped band after school. I took a nap. I ate coffee ice cream. I had fun in social dance. I drank chocolate milk. I dont know... in the name of never knowing...