I read back through the diary today, and I see myself writing about love. And maybe yesterday I knew what that love was, but I dont know it today. Dont get me wrong, I still love, it is a different love. And I am happy with this love, but sometimes I wish I loved like that again. I have to remind myself that I am only sixteen, most times it feels like I am so much older than I am. And then other times I get frustrated with myself for not acting like it. So life is life, and I am living. I am making my foundation again, planning on building another, better tower. I have almost finished sweeping up the last of the rubble from the latest topple. I think that I am going to get pretty good at cleaning up the mess. I plan on making a great many towers in my lifetime... a city of towers! I look forward to it. Of course I am not looking forward to anymore falling down, but I am pretty sure that that is going to happen whether I like it or not. Hopefully I will be in this good mood for awhile longer, but chances are tommorow I will be back in the pits. My brain is that way. I say I am over it one day and the next I am re-devasted by the entire thing. Today I feel good. I have to be honest with you, I did try to forget you. We both know how well that worked out. I am not forget you, and not just because I cant, but because I dont want to. You did mean alot to me, you where an important milestone on my highway, you helped me with things that I couldnt help myself with. So thanks, for everything. Sorry I have been such a bum. My life is really different without you, I feel really different without you. I dont know if it is the same for you, but I can only assume as such. We spent so much of our time on each other. I know now. I dont think we where ready for what we where getting ourselves into. Thankyou for being brave, I wouldnt have been able to. Maybe we can be friends. I just hope that I helped you as much as you helped me. Just think, in five, maybe three years we wont think about this. You probobly dont think about this now. I can hardly believe that I am only sixteen. And yet I still have alot of growing to do, alot more learning to do, alot of new things to experience. Sometimes I am excited for it and other times I want to die now. I sometimes dont want to take anymore of it. Getting over things has never been my strong point. I need to get over alot of things still. Like losing it. I still havent gotten over that. I try not to think about it, or remember it, but... when it comes back it still hurts. I never really understood what death was before that. And the tears flow. Sheesh. Some things will leave scars... and even though scars look bad they mean that the hurt has healed. ... Ah, life.