I waited for you. Even though I changed my mind again... I waited. I called you, left you a message. I called your house and talked to your mom. I didnt make any other plans, because I thought maybe you would come and see me. I dont hate you as much as it sounds. I hate myself. But oh well, you have better things to do. Dad: "Hollie, wake up!" Me: "Yes? I am awake." Dad: "Are you finished packing? I am going to take your bag to grandpas house now." Me: "No, I need to take a bath first." Dad: "A bath? Why a bath? I am taking your bag, not you." Me: "So I can use my soap and then pack it." Dad: "Just use moms." Me: "No" Dad: "Get the hell out of your bed and pack" Me: "I need to take a bath" Dad: "Staying up till three in the morning is not a way to live." Me: "I didnt stay up till three last night dad, and I dont care if it is not a way to live or not." Dad: "Thats bullshit! Get the hell out of your goddamned bed and pack!" Me: "Fine." Dad: "You little shit! Get all of your junked packed now! God... you little shit..." Me: *thinking* "Fuck you." Dad: "Are you done yet? Good, now get the hell out of my way." Love you too dad. What a way to wake up in the morning. It was a lazy day today. I took my mom to lunch with my sister, we went to Cafe Sabor. Good mexican food. I flirted with the waiter, he thought I was older. I went to library and turned in Memnoch the Devil, now I am half-way through The Blood Canticle. I listened to my sister argue with her boyfriend on the phone. I guess she broke up with him. They never last. I watched TV. I called you, and your house. I played on the internet. I played computer games. I put all of the DVD's that I am taking with me to Canada. I am not going to back untill the 25th, or maybe the 26th. I wasted my last night on you. I hate myself. The void doesnt care. Gathered my CD's and CD player. Mom took me to the mall, I got some new shirts. I got Animal Cookies. You cant have a trip without Animal Cookies. I almost threw-up in the Wal*Mart parking lot. I get car sick. Gonna be a fun trip. My cousins hate me. My grandparents hate me. My aunt an uncle hate me. The only person who is going that doesnt hate me is my mom. It is going to be squished in the two cars that we are taking. I miss him. I dont think I will ever not miss him. He always treats me tenderly. He is always afriad that he is going to break me if he holds me to tight I am going to miss everyone. All of my friends. I miss them already. I am going now, my darling void. My void of vast and unthinkable electronic energy, riding through wires towards the corners of the planet. The void that does not listen. The void that does not care. In the name of the lost