hmm... I am in a good mood today, and have been most of the day. Of course good moods lead to being stupid. You get too cockey and forget to remember that there are other people in the world besides you. Times like that make me angry at myself. Choices... are hard... I will have to choose sometime though. We had a... talk... today. It started out kind of... well... shitty... but I think it ended ok. We are still good, its just me who needs to... work things out. After I had this talk I read an e-mail that he sent to me yesterday, and I felt really stupid. In this e-mail he declares his love for me, confesses his reading of this diary, and proclaims devotion. Now I feel bad. I am so mean to him... I am so mean to everyone... shutup. Maybe I will just fall over and die. I also had an intresting conversation with {other} him, in which he declared his love. Why now kiddo? Why didnt you do that BEFORE? You knew that I was going to be with him, I told you that I was. You choose now to tell me that you want me. Wait for me? The band competitions have started. We rock. I hate band. I have to wake up in the morning. I sluffed school today. It is weird that I am in a good mood. I am almost never in a good mood. I like being happy. I have read almost all of my previous entrys, and I look at my entrys now and I have noticed that I have evolved. My words are changing, my mental voice is changing. Some of my opinions and attitudes are changing. I THINK I am changing for the better. You can never be to sure these days. So many things have happened over the past few weeks, I dont think I will be able to tell them all to you. Let's see... I ate my very first twinkie. I went to my very first hockey game (and my very second hockey game too). I am getting an A in math. I am flunking drivers ed. I am reading Blackwood farms (the next book in the vampire chronicles). I learned how to waltz, tommorow I have to wear a dress for social dance. Today was her birthday, so we sluffed first hour and bought her presents, then we took her presents to her. And... I think that that is all that has happened...-ish. It is getting late. I keep thinking that there is someone behind me. I see the black shadow and I feel the chills up the back of my neck. When I look back, there is nothing there. Yeah, I am pretty tired. One question flung into the Voids eternal darkness. My friend asked me this today so I will ask you. Have you ever wondered if you where the handicapped kid, and all of your friends where keeping it secret from you and pretending that you werent? I said yes, I am the handicapped kid. Sorry if that is offensive to anyone. My exhausted body struggles to stay awake. My soft eye-lids battle to stay open. My mind wishes to rest. Goodnight. In the name of the adored