Woke up. No dreams. Oh well, maybe tonight. Went to a sectional, it was boring, and pointless. I was angry that I had to go to a band thing on a band day off. Got home. Ate a pop-tart. Played a computer arcade game with my little brother, I kicked frikkin arcade ass. Watched Shrek with my other little brother. Went to a rodeo. It was ok. He came with me, and he made me laugh. My friends got along with him ok I think. He said he had fun. But... another he was angry, and did not have such a good time. I have heard that he didnt have a good time because of me. Because I ignored him, or because I came with another guy, or because he was just having a shitty day and I wasnt helping. Oh well. He will get over it. If he doesnt then it will be his loss. He has been annoying me alot lately, he has a great paranoia. I gave him a hug, told him that I still loved him, and that I didnt want him to be angry with me. I talked to his friends when I got home. They all decided that even though I was being stupid, they still thought I was cool, and that he should either get over it or go and find some less cool chik. It made me laugh. After we got to my house he gave me a hug, it was nice. I like talking to my friends on the internet. You can talk to so many at once. There is not the awkwardness of body language or touch, there is just words. Words are easy to understand. Me:I find that I like to have a guy for each mood. But... I am selfish, and bitchy at people, so really everyone should hate me. Him: What mood would I be, if we where to ever do that? Me:I dont know, you have moved away, I havent seen you in a long time. Maybe you need to come back, so maybe we could do that. Him:I do, but I dunno, he would get mad, I dont want to risk the friendship I have with him. But... we will see what happens. Me:By the time you do come back here I will have driven him to such a crazed state that he will probobly go and find someone more steady. Him:I doubt it, I dont think that anyone could leave you that fast. Me:I am bitchy and demanding, when people see me they should immediatly turn around and start sprinting away from me. Him:lol, I dont think so. You are not that bad, I know I would have a hard time leaving you. Me:Maybe I am just addicting, people know that I am bad for them, but they are to lazy or to high to quit. Him:lol. He is fun to talk to. I dont know. I think I subconsiously feel special because he is so paranoid and obsessed, but I am also very annoyed. Sometimes people care too much. Sometimes I feel like being disconnected and alone, but he doesnt like it when I am like that. Oh well... I will try and stop thinking about it. But... he is probobly the only one who has cared about me that much. All he wants is for me to be happy. I still like him, I still want to be around him, but I also want him to be happy no matter how I am feeling. His friend said that it isnt me, that it is him. His other friend said he needed to realize this by himself, because then he will learn more. I am good friends with all of his guy friends. I think that this makes him annoyed. It might also be because I have sex related pet names for them. They have repeatedly told me to continue to call them things like "Sex God" and "My Man Whore"... but... He does not think so. He thinks it weird. Its just me. I am still thinking about him. Make me stop. I guess I care about him alot to. I drew a very random picture today. It has a whole bunch of random crap all meshed together on a peice of paper. I dont know what it meens. I just started drawing. When I ended the page was filled. My mom is sick. She is really sick. She came home from work sounding and looking sick. When I got home from the rodeo, she sounded and looked worse. I made her a mug of tea, and tucked her into bed. I dont know what she is sick from, but from what she told me it sounds like she has caught this horrible mix of a bad flu and a serious cold. I put lots of blankets on her bed because she said she was freezing. She looks so cute, her nose and eyes are the only thing you can see of her under her massive pile of blankets and pillows. "Death comes like a theif in the night, steal while you sleep, the souls flicker in light." I dont know how I feel about people. We are so weak, we need constant care and attention, most of us cannot be alone for long periods of time. Everyone wants a relationship. Everyone wants money. Everyone wants pleasure and not pain. I dont know. Maybe no people for me for awhile. Sometimes I dont like them. In the name of caring