I feel that I'm a different person than I was before, but, at the same time, I'm more completely myself than I could ever have been. I'm a very loyal person. I've been employed at the same place for six and a half years. I've had my sitD for nearly the same amount of time. Despite not seeing or speaking with them for years in some cases, my friends are still my friends. I've always been that way, and that hasn't changed. Understandably, becoming a wife and a mother has changed me considerably. I am now, above all things, fiercely loyal to my family. Becoming a wife and a mother has also allowed me to become more reclusive [I've been trying to think of a more positive-sounding term, but I cannot at the moment]. Some days, the only people I see are JD, Patrick, and Penelope. I have no real interest in going to places without my family, no desire to reach out and connect with people I'm not already connected with. People at work always say, 'Man, Ashley, you come to work, do your job, and go home, and you don't have to deal with all of the drama that's going on, with this person talking about this other person and blah blah blah.' 'That's right,' I say, 'I don't stick my nose in anyone's business but my own, and I don't gossip to make trouble. It's much easier that way.' I take this and apply it to my life in general. I want to live a peaceful life, and I don't want to have to deal with silly people who don't understand things. That's what I've always wanted, deep down inside. I'm not lonely, nor do I feel sorry for myself for not having any things to do or places to be. When I was younger, living in New Mexico with my mother after my parents got divorced, she would sometimes have to leave me with people while she went to work. They would always remark to her how I kept to myself, how they never had to bother with me, how I sat and read my books or drew pictures, or how I'd go outside and play in the yard. I take this as evidence of my recluse personality, even at such a young age [6-9ish, I believe]. As I grew up, I had grand dreams for myself of being popular with everyone and talking with everyone at parties and events. It took me quite a while to realize that I'm just not that kind of person. I'm at work for hours sometimes without speaking with anyone but myself, and that's just fine with me. Once a connection is made with me, it very rarely dies. I suppose that's why new ones aren't on the top of my priorities. I have many loves, many fires burning that light me from within. I don't really need new ones. Isn't it a horrible thing for me to be like this? Shouldn't I want to reach out, to make connections? Isn't that a normal part of being a human being? It must be, but I cannot help but be who I am. Finally.