Word of the Day: cognizable I went to the hospital for the ultrasound yesterday morning. Aparently, it was scheduled to better deduce the baby's age and due date. The only thing I got out of it was two fuzzy and lumpy pictures and a recheduled due date. I felt that the ultrasound was sort of unnecessary becauase I am absolutely certain of the first day of my last period, and I don't understand how measuring the baby gives any more indication of how old it is than my honest answers. Any road, now the official due date is 29 November instead of 4 December. Which certainly doesn't matter to me, since I know from experience that a baby's going to do whatever the hell it feels like doing, whenever it feels like doing it. It's like a teenager already--rebelling. Apart from the unnecessary ultrasound, life with babeh is going quite well. I haven't had any bad morning sickness, only a few occasions of debilitating nausea without vomiting. I'm always tired, but I got used to that a while ago. I'm also always hungry, but I'm controlling how much I eat. Unfortunately, I don't eat all that much better than I did before, but that doesn't mean I can pig out and eat all the time. That's for the third trimester, heh. People have been hearing things from other people and asking me if it's true or not, so I get to impart happy news. For some reason, I always start blushing when I start talking about the pregnancy to others. I suppose I'm embarrased from the attention, which I don't like, but also because I don't really look pregnant yet. I tried on a few pieces of maternity wear that I had from Patrick and found that some of them will do still. I went and bought a few pieces as well to start my collection. I think I'll start feeling better about myself once I look pregnant and not just lumpier than normal. Lately at work I've been feeling inconsequential. I mean, people still come to me asking for help and asking me to do things for them, but, since I'm only there during the evenings, I hardly see anyone. Sometimes when I'm working the desk on Friday evenings, the only people there are me, the bartender [if the bar's open], the dishwasher, and the live-in assistant general manager. In addition, I hardly see any guests since we're so slow, so I start feeling lonely. Sometimes I really do wish those ghosts would come and be with me just to have some company. Any road, back to the inconsequential thing. I remember a time when I was involved and somewhat enthusiastic about work even with my dislike for it. Now, however, there's nothing apart from loneliness at work. I'm not involved in decision-making, operations, anything. On the one hand, I like it a bit because no one relys on me for things like they used to. Sure, people ask for help and things, but it's never challenging or difficult for me and I'm rarely responsible for much at all. But on the other hand, it makes me seem much less important than I really am. Everyone always says that they feel much better when I'm at the desk or when I'm posting banquet tickets, but since it feels like I'm barely working, what does it matter? It seems like a mutual indifference has grown between me and work, which bothers me more than I think it should. Does that mean I really care? Really, I guess it does.